Pick Your Poison

Last night, we were playing a new game Julia got for Christmas, "Pick Your Poison."  In this game, players have to choose between two unappealing options, and those who picked the majority option get points.  For each round, a judge chooses the set of options and can answer clarifying questions about either option. 

When Madeleine was judge, one of the "poisons" was "Always answer honestly whenever someone asks how you're doing."

JULIA: So, do you only have to be honest if someone ASKS you?
MADELEINE: Like, you always have to answer honestly, so if you're at the doctor, and you're feeling really SHIT - (look of astonishment coming over her face) SICK.  You're feeling really SICK.  I did NOT mean to say that.

Madeleine, who makes a "mreeer!" sound of disapproval anytime someone on tv, in real life, or in a song utters a bad word, just accidentally swore.  Man, was she shell shocked.  

MADELEINE: Well, at least I didn't FINISH it!  I didn't say "ty!" at the end!
ME: Yeah, well in England and Australia they sometimes say "I feel a bit shit" though.
MADELEINE: (eyes widening, horrified with herself)

I mean, I guess the poison's powers worked and Madeleine inadvertently gave her honest answer about how she was feeling.

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas!  Madeleine woke everyone up at 6 am but we all asked for a little more sleep.  She gave us another 15 minutes but couldn't hold her excitement any longer.

MADELEINE: (bursting back into my bedroom) Okay, it's 6:15!  So Mommy.  Just to make sure I had the date right, I went into the living room, and I was like, WOAH!!  It's more presents than EVER this year!

I'm glad Madeleine thought to check if there were presents, because, after all, it's definitely possible that she was wrong about it being Christmas.  It's not like we all went to bed knowing it was Christmas Eve or anything.


Wishing all of you a wonderful Christmas, Hanukah, Kwanzaa, and last week of 2019!

Christmas Eve Traditions

The girls and I are watching "Barbie: A Christmas Carol" together, as it has become our Christmas Eve tradition to watch multiple versions of the Dickens story.  In this movie, Eden Starling, a famous opera singer, begins to mistreat her staff due to her over-inflated ego, and learns her lesson after being visited by the Three Spirits.

MADELEINE: This is not even about Barbie.
JULIA: Who's DAR-DEE?

Yeah, I can see why she thought that's what Madeleine said, because, after all, we are watching "Dardee: A Christmas Carol."


After our movie, we went to the Christmas Eve service at church.  The priest gave a sermon on humility, love and kindness.

MADELEINE: (leaning over to whisper to me) Wait.  Humility?
ME: (nodding)
MADELEINE: (looking like she had questions)
ME: (whispering) Humility.
MADELEINE: (nodding uncertainly)

I suddenly got it.

ME: (whispering) Humility means being humble. "Humility" is different from "humiliation."
MADELEINE: Ohhhh.

When we got to the car, Madeleine's car door closed on her elbow so she whacked the door in anger.
ME: Humility, Madeleine.  Humility means you don't hit your door!
JULIA: (cracking up) I never thought that's what someone would say on Christmas Eve.


We're now ready to watch "Mickey: A Christmas Carol" before bed, which actually *is* about Mickey a lot more than "Barbie: A Christmas Carol" was about Dardee.

Merry Christmas Eve from Dourdney, Dudia and Dadeleine!

Pizza For Breakfast

MADELEINE: (after brushing her teeth for bed) Hey!  Mommy!  I just came up with something!

This is what she came up with.  I just don't even...I mean...what even...?!?  Is she a southern grandma? 




Like, this is what came into her head when she was about to go to bed? 

Examination of a Christmas Card

Hanging on our fridge, among the many cards sent from friends, family, and students, is a card from avid runner friends of ours.  They used a picture of their whole family - parents and two teenage sons - running a race, and Photoshopped their figures into the foreground of the recent record-breaking sub-two hour marathon finish by Eliud Kipchoge.  Kipchoge himself is seen in the background, with his record time displayed on the finish line.  A dog and a fish, pets of my friends, are Photoshopped into the sidelines of the picture.

JULIA: Wait, is 1:59, like, a good time for a marathon?
ME: It's a new record.  It was set under extremely controlled conditions, but no one has broken two hours in the marathon before.
JULIA: (gazing at the card) Is that guy in the background the one who ran it?
ME: Yup.  You can google him to find out more about it.
JULIA: (pointing at my friends and their kids) And did they all run it too?

No, honey, they did not actually finish AHEAD of Eliud Kipchoge at this extremely exclusive event in which ONLY ONE PERSON RAN.

JULIA: And there's a dog and a fish there?

Yeah, so apparently Julia has never heard of Photoshop.

The Wet Pants

Madeleine has been unwilling to bring her snow pants to school for some reason, and today it (kind of literally) but her in the butt.

MADELEINE: So, I was gonna go down the Slide, and people said, "careful, it's wet," and it WAS wet, but I thought it would be, like, the kind of wet that-
ME: Did you wind up with a totally wet butt?
MADELEINE: Yes!
ME: Did you go to the nurse to get a change of clothes?
MADELEINE: (as if the mere thought was atrocious) No!!
ME: The nurse has extra clothes for situations like this.
MADELEINE: Mommy.  That would be so EMBARRASSING to go into the nurse and be like, "I need new PANTS cause mine got wet."

So continuing to wear pants and underwear with a soaking wet circle on the butt is somehow LESS embarrassing?

MADELEINE: (cheerfully) Besides, they're dry now!

Not for long.  Shortly before we had to leave for swim, Madeleine went to take a drink from her water bottle and wound up dumping it all over her pants and the couch.

MADELEINE: (brightly) All day long I've been lookin' like I peed in ma pants!

And that part is NOT embarrassing?!?

Advent Calendar Fun

Julia and Madeleine received a Harry Potter Advent Calendar from two of their best friends (who are siblings themselves) as a joint birthday gift this year.  They have been LOVING the experience of receiving one Harry Potter Funko Pop figure each day; Julia gets the odd days, since her birthday is an odd date and Madeleine gets the evens. 

Some of the Funko Pop characters bring more excitement than others. 

MADELEINE: (opening a door) I got - (gasping) I'm so LUCKY!  I got GINNY!

or

ME: Julia, who did you get today?
JULIA: (with deflated apathy) Igor Karkaroff.

At any rate, the girls are enjoying their new figurines; in fact, Madeleine lines hers up on the dining room table every day and then silently pretend-plays with them.  Apparently she's too old to talk her characters out loud in front of us now, so she thinks the dialogue in her head while she picks up the characters and animatedly moves them around.

Here's the most Madeleine part of all in this Advent Calendar situation.  She got so inspired by her Advent Calendar that she made her OWN Advent Calendar for the last 10 days before Christmas.  I watched her cutting and taping pieces of green paper, under which she had inspirational words, written in cursive on a strip of printer paper.  I guess Funko Pops aren't enough of a gift; Madeleine needed double Advent Calendar surprises.

This morning:

MADELEINE: (running over to me) I got Mad-Eye Moody, and: (holding up a slip of paper) COURAGE!

Once again, folks.  Madeleine got SO INSPIRED BY HER ADVENT CALENDAR THAT SHE MADE HERSELF ANOTHER ADVENT CALENDAR.  That is Madeleine in a nutshell.

Grumpy Sunday Morning

Madeleine insists that she is NOT grumpy.

MADELEINE: (from her bedroom) Julia, why do you keep stealing my SUNDAY UNDERWEAR?
JULIA: What?  Huh?
MADELEINE: My SUNDAY UNDERWEAR are missing.  Someone STOLE them.
JULIA: (ignoring Madeleine's inanity)
MADELEINE: Why do people keep STEALING MY CLOTHES?
ME: (entering Madeleine's bedroom) Why are you angry, honey?
MADELEINE: I'm NOT.
ME: What's the problem?
MADELEINE: People keep taking my CLOTHES.
ME: Can I help you?
MADELEINE: I can't find my Sunday underwear.
ME: I'll take a look.
MADELEINE: No.  They're NOT there.
ME: Let me look.
MADELEINE: No, Mommy, don't.  They're not there.  You'll be WASTING your time.
ME: (browsing her underwear drawer and finding the Sunday underwear) Here you go.
MADELEINE: (glowering) How come you always find everything in TWO SECONDS and I *NEVER* find them and I look WAY, WAY harder than you??


Yup.  She's NOT grumpy.

Funko Pop Cousins

Madeleine has managed to combine all her current obsessions while playing with her Deet Funko Pop action figure.

MADELEINE: Mommy.  I'm making Deet have THREE human - or, maybe not so human - cousins.  So.  Eleven from "Stranger Things" is her cousin.  Sophie from "Keeper of the Lost Cities" is her cousin.  And Harry Potter is her cousin.
ME: So Gelfling and humans can be related?
MADELEINE: (as if it's obvious) Yeah!  Gelfling LOOK like humans.  Except they just have BIG EARS.

When Madeleine plays with her Deet figure, she likes to add other "Dark Crystal" characters, even though she only has one other action figure from the series (a Skekse called "The Hunter.")  So she improvises with what she's got on hand.  She uses a Hagrid Funko Pop figure for the part of the Gelfling Rian.  That kind of makes sense, since both Hagrid and Rian have dark hair.  Things get more creative from there, however.  I'm constantly trying to put away pencils, pens, or rolls of Scotch tape, only to be told: "No!  That's Brea!"  So, lucky for me, now do I not only have Funko Pop action figures cluttering up various surfaces of my house, but an assortment of pencils, clothespins, and what not lined up neatly next to the action figures.

At least now we'll get to add more inanimate objects to be Eleven, Sophie, and Harry.  The more the merrier, right??

"Wanted"

Julia texted Ethan and I from swim practice the other night, after she and Madeleine had gotten a ride to the Y.

JULIA: We're at swim.  There's a Wanted poster and I'm freaking out.
ETHAN: Wanted?  Like, for a criminal?

I was trying to figure out why the YMCA in our little suburb would have posted a Wanted sign, and especially why I hadn't seen other similar signs around town.  If there really was a dangerous criminal afoot, wouldn't one expect to find posters in more than the one location?

It turns out my little Einstein didn't bother to actually read the poster, nor even to look at it very carefully. 

The poster is a "mug shot" of the Y director.  The ID number she's holding is our town's zip code.  Underneath her picture it says:
"She has been on the run since learning that the C.R. YMCA is in second place in the Greater Boston YMCA Giving Tuesday Challenge."

On Instagram, the Y even posted a picture of the director "behind bars," saying they needed to raise $25 more in order to let her go free on bail. 

And this is the reason why Julia was freaking out at practice over the thought that a criminal was going to bust into the Y.  I raised a genius, folks.

An Amazing Paragraph

Madeleine was working on writing yet another novel yesterday when she was struck by her own talent.

MADELEINE: Mommy!  I am REALLY proud of this paragraph!

Here's the paragraph:

That is a legit good paragraph.  I have been impressed by Madeleine's writing ability in the past, and was beyond impressed this time.  I didn't even need to heap praise on Madeleine, however, because she was still heaping it on her own self.

MADELEINE: Mommy.  I'm OBSESSED with this paragraph.  Like: "careening?"  "OPEN air?"
ME: I know!
MADELEINE: I didn't even realize I *knew* some of those words!

I mean, I think she earned the right to brag about her own self with this one.  Her writing and plot ideas have come a long way since "Alecto!"

Swim Weekend

These kids swam the heck out of a two-day Trials and Finals invitational!

They had Trials both yesterday morning and this morning, with Finals for those who qualified in the late afternoons.  Somehow, despite having swam multiple events in the morning, the girls managed to then break their best times in Finals!

Among the events they made Finals in were 50 freestyle (Madeleine), 100 breast stroke (Julia), 100 freestyle (Madeleine), 200 IM (Julia) and 100 butterfly (both girls.)

My favorite quote of the weekend:

MADELEINE: 100 fly is the event where I think, "Can I actually DIE in the water?"

I don't blame her.  It looks EXHAUSTING!

My second favorite quote, after Julia saw Madeleine chattering away to a High School aged former teammate from the Y:

JULIA: Madeleine, what were you chattering about?
MADELEINE: Goldfish flavors!

Congrats on a great swim weekend, girls!!

Insect Fair

Yesterday was the Fourth Grade Insect Fair, and Madeleine got to debut her "Interstelfly!"  Each student got to create an insect and give it some wild and whimsical properties.  The Interstelfly puts on a "Galaxy Show" with the boy flies when it's an adult.  It lights up as EVERY color of the galaxy!

Madeleine sas been working hard on the construction of this insect for the past month, and because she's so naturally artistic, I didn't have to lend a pinky finger to aid in this project.  Score!

The most exciting part of the Insect Fair, in Madeleine's eyes, was the presentation of songs that the kids had worked on.  For the first song, Madeleine had an important role.  Or, in her words, an actually NOT very important role.

MADELEINE: I volunteered to be the chrysalis!  Except...it's not really that exciting.  I just, like, hold a blanket and WRAP it around the caterpillar.

Take a look and see her in this break-out role:




The song Madeleine was MOST excited for was the following, "Never Argue With a Bee."  I remembered this one from Julia's 4th grade Insect Fair, but Madeleine made sure I didn't spoil the surprise for Ethan.

MADELEINE: Mommy?  Do you remember "Never Argue With a Bee?"
ME: Yes.
MADELEINE: And do you remember what the SURPRISE was?
ME: Yes.
MADELEINE: What?
ME: (telling her the surprise)
MADELEINE: Right.  Okay.  Mommy.  DON'T.  TELL.  ANYONE.

I didn't, so that Ethan got to enjoy the unexpected, which you too can enjoy in the video below:




Now that the Insect Fair is over, Madeleine is no longer a chrysalis and is back to being a regular old Gelfling:

I mean, it was only a matter of time, right?

Madeleine Quotes

Recent memorable conversations with Madeleine


1.) In the car on our way home from a swim meet on Saturday

MADELEINE: Daddy?  Which do you think is more important?  Body heat, or the pursuit of HAPPINESS?




2.) Saying good-bye to her friend as we left a play-date.

FRIEND: See you tomorrow!
MADELEINE: See you tomorrow, unless you die!
ME: (to the dad, who I have met only once before, briefly) Uh...wow. Sorry.  On that note...uh, thank you, see you later!




3.) Talking about upcoming exciting events

MADELEINE: Mommy?  Whenever there's, like, an important event come up, in the weeks before it, I just tell myself, "Don't get sick, don't get sick, don't get sick."
ME: Were you thinking that about the Insect Fair today?
MADELEINE: Yeah.  And also about Thanksgiving.  Because the really FUN part about Thanksgiving is LITERALLY pigging out.  So if you get sick and you're throwing up, you can't eat all the yummy food.  And I'm just like, TUUUUURKEY!  COOOOOKIES!
JULIA: Not pie?
ME: (turning to Julia) Does she think there's gonna be cookies?
JULIA: (shrugging)
ME: I hope she knows there won't be cookies.



Keep on keepin' it fresh, Madeleine.

13th Birthday

The Rowe Household has a TEENAGER!  Julia is 13 today and I'm pretty sure she's never been more astute.  This morning her quick wit was on full display as she opened her presents from me.

JULIA: (upon seeing this new swim cap) Ooh, cool. Is it a polar bear?


This girl knows her stuff.  If I wasn't convinced Julia was a genius before, I'm convinced now!


HAPPY, HAPPY 13 to my first-born baby!

Flippy Shirt Surprise

Flippy shirts are all the rage in the elementary school right now.  If you're not in the know, flippy shirts are tees with a sequined design on them.  When you run your hand along the sequins, they flip into the opposite direction and the sequins change color.  It's AH-MAH-ZING.

Madeleine recently discovered, to her disappointment, that her Christmassy tee-shirt no longer fits her, so I bought her a flippy gingerbread shirt as an early holiday gift.  She's wearing this new shirt for the first time today.  As she lay on the couch this morning, she decided to have a dramatic enactment of her gingerbread man flipping colors.

MADELEINE: Wait.  Mommy.  Say something SURPRISING. (hand poised to flip the gingerbread man in response to my surprising announcement.)

I was on the spot, and couldn't think of anything.  I was also trying to see Julia out the door on her way to the bus.  I racked my brain and wound up just saying the first thing I could think of.

ME: I have two buttholes.

To Madeleine's credit, despite the fact that she *CLEARLY* wasn't expecting this kind of "surprising" comment, she carried through with flipping her gingerbread man to complete the enactment.  It wasn't until later on that we could giggle about the whole scenario, and run it again, with me announcing (much more appropriately) "I just won the lottery!"

So yeah.  The preschool teacher who is constantly reminding her class that we don't do potty talk at school just told her own kid "I have two buttholes"* when pressed for something surprising to say.  Now THAT is some solid parenting.

*I do not, in fact, have two buttholes.

Imagicknation Lesson

MADELEINE: (staring at Julia) Who would like an Imagicknation lesson?
JULIA: Not me.
MADELEINE: It's really fun!  You-
JULIA: Madeleine, no, I have to do homework and-
ME: I'll do it, Madeleine.

THAT'S how you take one for the team.

My lesson was on "Self-Surprises."  Madeleine talked about self-surprises with me, then gave me a homework exercise to fill out.  The first page detailed a scenario, including guidelines towards how to fully realize my self-surprise:

Next, I had to fill out answers on a worksheet, complete with a "because":

This was *exactly* how I wanted to spend my afternoon.

 I dutifully took the time to fill out an answer to each question, without neglecting the very important "because" that Professor Madeleine asked for.  I thought I did a pretty good job, all things considering, but I guess I did leave something to be desired.  Here's my grade:

Madeleine assured me that her grading system runs all the way through the letter "Z," so a C+ is actually a "really, really GOOD" grade.  But man, I wonder what you have to do to get an A in Imagicknation?!?

Bat Mitzvah and Aftermath

Well, we had a great time at the Bat Mitzvah party last night, and we all cleaned up for it:

One of the funniest parts of the evening was a speech given by Lily's mom about Lily's idiosyncracies as a child, including Lily's desire to have a birthday party at the library with a Moses cake.

As I drove the girls to swim this evening, we laughed about that story.

JULIA: What would a Moses cake even look like??
ME: Uh...I don't really know.
MADELEINE: What's a Moses cake?
JULIA: A cake with Moses on it.
MADELEINE: Wasn't Moses, like, a musician or something?

Uh, glad those Sunday School classes are paying off, Madeleine.

ME: Honey.  Moses?  You know? He parted the Red Sea?  Wrote the 10 Commandments?
MADELENIE: (staring at me blankly)
ME: He's in the Bible?

We had reached the Y by this point and were entering the building entrance.

ME: (laughing to myself) "Wasn't Moses a musician..."
MADELEINE: I thought he was!
JULIA: That's MOZART, Madeleine.


Oh Good Lord.  Not only am I failing my child in her knowledge of Biblical characters, but I'm failing her in her knowledge of classical musicians as well.  At least Julia knows what's what!

Bat Mitzvah Ceremony

This morning, we got to attend the Bat Mitzvah ceremony of dear friend and faithful blog reader, Lily.  I am the only one from the Rowe household who has been to a Bat Mitzvah before, so for the other 3 Rowes, this was a totally new experience.  We discussed our thoughts about the event on our drive home.

JULIA: That was not at all what I expected Temple to be like.
ME: It wasn't?
JULIA: It didn't look as fancy as I expected.
ETHAN: Wasn't it really nice how much natural light they had?
JULIA: Yeah!
ME: I bet the cantor sings opera outside of Temple.
ETHAN: Oh, yeah, I'm sure he does.
JULIA: That was not at all what I expected Temple to be like.
ME: Didn't you already just say that?
JULIA: NO, I mean, like, the SERVICE.
ME: What did you expect it to be like?
JULIA: I dunno, like, all my FRIENDS who are Jewish say that Temple is so boring and it just drones on and on in Hindi.
ME: In Hindi?!?
JULIA: NO!  I mean!  In Hebrew.
ME: I mean, there are Hindu temples.
JULIA: I messed up because we're learning about Hindu in social studies.

I can see why she made that mistake, because it's not like we were JUST at a Jewish Temple with a service predominantly in Hebrew for the past 3 hours or anything.

Tonight we'll attend Lily's Bat Mitzvah celebration, and maybe Julia can request some Bollywood music to go along with the Hindi we heard at Temple.

Mazel Tov, Lily!!

Toilet Talk

Conversation in the car driving to swim:

MADELEINE: Isn't it WEIRD that the toilets in the Southern Hemisphere swirl in the OPPOSITE direction when they flush?
ME: I didn't even know that.
MADELEINE: At first I was thinking it's the toilets on MARS that flush in the opposite direction, but then I was like, 'wait, no, it's the Southern HEMISPHERE, not Mars.'
JULIA: Yeah, it's the Southern Hemisphere.
MADELEINE: I wonder what direction the toilets flush in on Mars.
ME: Do you think there are toilets on Mars?!?
MADELEINE: Well, not, like, TODAY, but, like, in the FUTURE.


When we got to the Y, I updated my Facebook status while Madeleine leaned over my shoulder.

Courtney Elf Rowe

23 hrs · 

Madeleine would like to know what direction the toilet water spins when flushed in the toilets on Mars. 

MADELEINE: Wait!  I'm not a DOPE!

I modified my facebook status.

Courtney Elf Rowe

23 hrs · 

Madeleine would like to know what direction the toilet water spins when flushed in the toilets on Mars. (Not, like, TODAY. Like, in the FUTURE.)

ME: Is that acceptable?
MADELEINE: (nodding proudly.)

I guess I satisfactorily proved that she's not a dope.  After all, she did know about the toilets in the Southern Hemisphere and I didn't.

Music Making

Playing the flute, with Gelfling ears:



I mean, let's be real here.  Nothing fits with "We Will Rock You" better than a pair of Gelfling ears.



And, though the following music would probably legitimately befit the Gelflings, here is Madeleine sans ears, playing a flute trio with Julia and I.  The first trio we've ever played together, all of us on flutes!:




It's the dawn of a new era!

Flute Fiasco

Okay, so I think I'm finally able to laugh about this and post it.

A few weeks ago, Madeleine had a crying melt-down before bed because she had forgotten to do her "required" five minutes of flute practice that day.  Her band teacher gave all the kids a practice check-list with suggestions of what to go over each day at home. 

Let's back up a second and note that: A) Madeleine actually started learning the flute over the summer, thanks to the fact that she received Julia's old flute when Julia herself got a new open-holed flute.  Therefore, it's really not the end of the world if she skips 5 minutes of blowing into her headpiece to make a sound, and B) there is no grading or even checking of this check-list to be sure kids actually did their five minutes every day.

I tried to console Madeleine and let her know it's okay to miss a day of practice, but my OCD-tending child WOULD NOT HAVE IT.  I then suggested she just practice in the morning before school, since she really needed to get to bed, and her melt-down was further evidence to me that she was overtired and needed sleep more than anything.

Flash-forward to the morning, and all seems fine as Madeleine plays through her music while Julia and I are getting ready for school/work.  All of a sudden I hear a clatter and see Madeleine scrambling to pick up her flute head joint from the landing at the bottom of our stairs.

ME: What happened?
JULIA: Did you just DROP your head joint down there?
MADELEINE: (scrambling back upstairs) It's okay, I don't think it's broken.
JULIA: (examining the head joint) Did you dent it?

I took a look and the head joint was COMPLETELY deformed.  It wouldn't even fit into the body of the flute.

ME: Honey, what happened?  How did you drop it?
MADELEINE: (eyes filling with tears) Just don't ask.
ME: But how did this happen?
MADELEINE: Mommy, PLEASE, just don't ask.
ME: I'm not upset, I just want to understand.
MADELEINE: (tearing up even more) PLEASE, Mommy.  PLEASE don't ask.
ME: Just tell me, it's okay, I just want to know how this happened.
MADELEINE: (eyes filled with defiant tears) INAPPROPRIATE ACTION.
ME: Wait, what?  Did you throw it?
MADELEINE: I was angry because I couldn't play "Hot Cross Buns" perfectly so I did THIS (making a flicking motion with her arm) and it fell.
ME: The head joint fell off over the ledge and down the stairs?!?

Madeleine was SO chagrined and SO regretful.  She knew she'd blown it.  As she should, seeing as THIS IS THE SECOND TIME SHE HAS BROKEN THIS FLUTE BY BEING A DOPE.  However, seeing how deeply remorseful she was, I chose not to lay into her, and instead we talked about how whatever the cost of fixing this issue, she would be paying for it, and if she couldn't demonstrate care for her instrument in the future, she would be done with the flute. 

I decided to go the route that required least effort on my part, because I was NOT in the mood to take up my own time getting the flute head fixed.  I found a (better, because it's silver rather than nickel) used flute head for sale on ebay for a very reasonable amount of money, ordered it, and had Madeleine pay me back.  All worked out in the end, but OMG IF SHE BREAKS THIS FLUTE AGAIN THAT'S IT FOR MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS.

Luckily, any further flute melt-downs have been about really important things like this one today.

MADELEINE: (from her room) Mommyyyyyyy!  I need your heeeeelp!
ME: (entering her bedroom) Yes?
MADELEINE: (pointing to her band book) I don't know what note this is.
ME: So do "Every Good Boy Does Fine."
MADELEINE: G?
ME: Yup.
MADELEINE: (face like a black cloud) It's NEVER been a G before.
ME: When before?  (pointing to a spot in the middle of the page) Like right here, when it SAYS "G" above the note?
MADELEINE: No, in this SONG.  It's NEVER a G.
ME: That is a G, honey.
MADELEINE: (on the verge of angry tears) How come I played it before and it was NEVER, EVER a G?
ME: I-
MADELEINE: (flipping the page) Ohhhh!  I'm on the wrong PAAAAGE.  *THIS* is the page I'm supposed to be doing!

Glad we got that one sorted out before she flicked her wrist and BROKE HER FLUTE HEAD.  😠

I'm over it.  I really am.

Guts, Again

Well, I think I get why the kids were so excited about the book "Guts."

Here are a few excerpts:

Yup, nothing like potty talk to engage children - even ones who are TEN AND TWELVE. 

So, my addendum to yesterday's post: my kids were thankfully NOT looking up Google images of guts, but they WERE looking at graphic novel images of puking and farting.  That's much better, right?

Bedtime Chatter

I could hear the girls chattering away well after I instructed Madeleine to get ready for bed.

ME: (shouting from the dining room) Madeleine, did you brush your teeth?
JULIA: (shouting from Madeleine's bedroom) No, she's too busy showing me GUTS.
MADELEINE: You *wanted* to see!

Okay, so this sounded to me like my kids are sociopathically googling images of guts falling out of people's bodies.  I'm relieved to learn that my kids were looking at THIS:

Madeleine's newest loan from the school Media Center

I mean, who knows, maybe there are pictures of guts in this graphic novel, but at least my kid is reading, not searching gory images in the internet, right?

Random Question

JULIA: (bursting into our bedroom) I have a really random question that I meant to ask a long time ago but I forgot: Do people who are DEAF hear thoughts?

Does Julia hear thoughts??  I don't think my thoughts have a voice assigned to them.  But who knows what kinds of creepy voices are speaking in the head of the kid who's obsessed with the Black Plague.

Fun With Gelfling Ears

Even with Halloween over, Madeleine makes a point of just regularly wearing her Gelfling ears around the house, and elsewhere.

                       Video chatting Auntie Shannon

 At the dinner table, playing with Funko Pop figurines

Reading on the couch

I guess I shouldn't expect anything different from the kid who casually spotted her Deet costume (and bare feet) to pick up Julia from Select Choir rehearsal:

It's only a matter of time before some type of Gelfling garb makes it into her swim team attire!

Halloween 2019

Happy Halloween from two kids who know how to pick obscure costume ideas!:

Madeleine, true to her Dark Crystal: Age of Resistance obsession, is Deet the Gelfling.  Seeing as a Deet costume doesn't actually exist, I think I managed to hodgepodge something together well enough to pull off a costume of a character that pretty much no one has ever heard of! 

(The actual Deet puppet:)

Julia is a Plague Doctor because...well, Julia has some strange obsession with the Black Plague.  Apparently she's not alone in this, because here she is with two of her best friends:

                                                  Plague Doctors.  I guess it's a thing.


Julia went trick-or-treating with five other friends, while I took Madeleine and her friend out around the neighborhood.  The highlight of the evening was this:

MADELEINE: Trick-or-treat!
TEENAGER GIVING OUT CANDY: Wait, are you a Gelfling?
MADELEINE: (explosive with joy) YES!
TEENAGER: Which one?  Brea or Deet?
MADELEINE: (jumping in delight) Deet!

OMG, someone actually RECOGNIZED her and actually knows her character.  SO exciting!

The plague doctors and crew have returned from their trek, while Deet and her friend are out for Round Two in another part of the neighborhood with Ethan.

Happy Halloween, all!

Posters

Madeleine has spent her morning doing what anyone with a little free time wants to do: making inspirational posters on her computer and printing them out to hang around the house.

Among these many motivational messages are: "Imagination? How about IMAGICNATION?" and "The world will only stop revealing when you stop believing."  That's it.  I am FULLY ready to go to work now and give it my A game.  Color me inspired! 

In case you'd like to shop Motivational Phrases Printed On Sheets Of Printer Paper, take a look at your many options:

I think I'm too dumb to understand the significance of the final "d" being printed on its own, individual line.  But I'm sure it means something really important!

Hope this post gives YOU that extra spring you need in your step to make it through the day!

Disabled Vehicle

Driving on the highway with the kids:

GOOGLE VOICE ASSISTANT: There's a disabled vehicle ahead.
ME: Great.
MADELEINE: What's a disabled vehicle?
ME: Like a broken down car or something.
JULIA: Or maybe it's like a...(inaudible mumbling) Never mind.
ME: I'm listening.
JULIA: No, I said "never mind" because what I was saying doesn't make any sense.
ME: Oh.
JULIA: I was saying, "It might mean, like, a blind person is driving or something." (Cracking up at herself.)

Genius.

A Gift for Me

This afternoon, I spotted Madeleine hard at work on something at the dining room table.

ME: Are you doing your writing homework, Madeleine?

MADELEINE: Um, not yet; I'll do it after this, but DON'T LOOK.

ME: Okay.

MADELEINE: (dramatically shielding her paper from me) DON'T LOOK, Mommy.

ME: I won't.

A moment later, I too sat down at the dining room table to do something on my computer.

MADELEINE: NO LOOKING.

ME: Okay, I'm not.

A few minutes later, while I was in the bathroom, Madeleine started shouting questions at me.

MADELEINE: Mommy?  What color hair, if you could have ANY COLOR IN THE WORLD, would you want?

ME: Um...

MADELEINE: ANY color.

ME: Blue.

MADELEINE: You can't pick blue.

ME: Oh.  Then...maybe...red.  Like, strawberry blonde.

MADELEINE: Okay.

(Pause)

MADELEINE: Mommy?  What color nail polish would be your favorite AND YOU CAN'T CHOOSE BLUE.

ME: Okay...well, if I can't choose blue, then...purple.

MADELEINE: I don't have purple.

ME: Oh.  Then...I guess...pink.

MADELEINE: Okay.

(Pause)

MADELEINE: Mommy?  Would you rather have blue skin or green skin?

ME: Blue skin.

MADELEINE: Would you rather be KIND or be an outcast?

ME: I'd rather be kind.

MADELEINE: Would you rather be an OUTCAST with blue skin, or KIND with green skin?

ME: Kind with green skin.

MADELEINE: Yes!  I got you to pick GREEN!

I guess that green versus blue skin part was a red herring, or else was just simply a topic of Madeleine's curiosity, because a few minutes later I was presented with this delightful piece of art:

                                                       Courtney the Magical Elephant!!

I got my blue skin after all!  And I have to say, throughout all of Madeleine's questions and her commands not to look, I would NEVER have guessed I would get a picture of myself as a winged, unicorn-horned blue elephant with pink toenails.  Madeleine managed to pull off quite the surprise!

Swim Invitational

Shout-out to Julia, who did something extremely brave this past weekend.  Having never attended a USA swim meet, she spent both Saturday and Sunday afternoons swimming as an "Unattached" swimmer at a USA invitational.

An unattached swimmer is one who attends the meet on her own, without a coach or other teammates.  No one is allowed on the pool deck besides swimmers, coaches, and officials, so I could not accompany her past the locker room area.  This caused a bit of a panic freak-out for her as we stood outside the glass door to the pool deck.

ME: Okay, I can't go on the pool deck, so go ahead out there and look for the meet official to check in.
JULIA: Wait.  Can you just come with me?
ME: I'm not allowed.
JULIA: Can you just say "Oh, sorry, I didn't know" if they say something?
ME: Look.  I think that's the meet organizer.  Go over and tell him you're here as an unattached swimmer.
JULIA: But this is SCARY.
ME: Just go over to the guy.
JULIA: This is too SCARY!

This led to Julia and I awkwardly shuffling around bumping into each other as I tried to push her along over to the meet organizer and she tried to hide behind me.

Luckily, the meet organizer noticed our complete rookie buffoonery and came over to us. 

Once I had Julia on her way, I headed up to the bleachers to watch the meet.  There was no coach to tell Julia when it was time to line up for her events.  There were no teammates to guide her.  But she managed to handle it all on her own.

Julia pulled off a personal best time in her first event, the 100 freestyle.  Her next event, the 50 fly, was not her best, but she was able to laugh it off.  (Text message: The 50 fly was funny because it was so bad.)  Her final event of the day, 100 breast, was a second off her best time, which isn't too shabby.

Sunday she only had one event, but because she had been at the pool all afternoon Saturday, she was able to walk onto the pool deck with confidence.  And she brought that confidence to her race.  She dropped over 3 seconds in her 100 fly and placed fourth overall!

Way to be brave in the face of something new, Julia!  Congrats on a successful first weekend of swimming solo!

Madeleine Quote

Madeleine, on the subject of her current favorite song, "Speak For the Dead" from "The Dark Crystal: Age if Resistance": "Mommy?  The first time I ever heard 'Speak For the Dead,' it was the most MAGICAL, but it was also the most STRESSFUL, because I had to keep worrying that a SKEKSIE was gonna come and get them."

Bed Making

When I asked Madeleine to make her bed, this is not what I had in mind:

That is an A+ job right there, Madeleine.  Atta girl!

Homework Blues

Julia was really frustrated over her math homework this evening, as evidenced by multiple outbursts that came from her bedroom.

JULIA: (from behind her bedroom door) MRAAAAAAAGGGHHH!
ME: What's wrong?
JULIA: (stomping out from her bedroom, getting a piece of printer paper, and stomping back into her room, slamming the door.)

A few minutes later, I had dinner on the table.

ME: (calling through Julia's door) Julia?  I have dinner for you.
JULIA: I *can't* eat dinner right now!
ME: Um.  Okay.

A few minutes later...

JULIA: (from behind her bedroom door) MRAAAAAGGGHHH!
ME: Julia.  Come here!
JULIA: (stomping out of her bedroom, grabbing her dinner plate, and stomping back to her bedroom)
ME: What's wrong??
JULIA: I'm QUITTING MATH FOREVER!

A few minutes later...

JULIA: (stomping out from her bedroom to put her empty plate in the sink and slice a piece of bread)
MRAAAAGGGHHH!
ME: What?
JULIA: I can't cut my bread.  I'm TOO DUMB TO DO ANYTHING!

I sliced her bread and brought it to her.

ME: Can I help you with your math?
JULIA: You DON'T KNOW HOW.

I decided to give it a valiant try, however.

ME: Okay, what's wrong?
JULIA: I have to do this WHOLE PAGE OVER because you're supposed to figure out the answer to the question and my answer made NO SENSE. I got "SPORD MULG."

I helped her work through each math problem.  Each time she solved a problem, she had to locate the correct answer on the side column of the page, and cross out the letter next to that answer.  At the end, the remaining letters would answer the question: "What is the saddest candy in the world?"

We weren't even finished when I was able to look at the remaining letters and deduce that the answer would be "GLUM DROPS."

ME: Julia, take a look at the letters left and see if you know what the answer is.
JULIA: (looking from top to bottom, rather than turning the page so the letters faced the correct way, left to right) S, P, O, R, D-
ME: No, honey, look at them in the order that you read letters.  Turn the paper sideways.
JULIA: G-O-L-U-M D-R-O-P-S...oh.  So wait, that was a total waste to do this whole page over, because I had the right letters already.

Yes, that's right.  Julia was ONE question away (the question that would eliminate the letter "O" from the answer) when she realized she'd actually gotten all the correct answers and then erased them, because she wrote them in backwards order.

Good thing she had a massive melt-down over all that.

Morning Humming

Madeleine used to draw invisible circles in the air while she drank her sippy cup of milk.  I don't know what added level of comfort it brought her to do this, but it was an incredibly endearing thing to behold. 

Now that she drinks milk from regular cups, Madeleine no longer draws her air circles.  However, she has developed a new comforting custom while consuming breakfast.  She hums while she eats.  It started off as just a sort of meandering hum that had no real tune, but nowadays it's full-out Dark Crystal humming.  EVERY.  MORNING.  while Madeleine eats her breafkast, she hums the tune "Speak for the Dead" from the Netflix "Dark Crystal: Age of Resistance" series. 

Not only does this make it take forever for Madeleine to consume her breakfast, but it makes for some interesting sound effects that are NOT DISTRACTING AT ALL.

MADELEINE: (putting a handful of dried cereal into her mouth) Hmmmm, hmmm hmmmm hmmm (smacking sounds) hmmm hmmmm, Hmmmm (chomping sounds) hmmmm hmmmmm (smack chomp smack chomp)

Ethan especially loves this new phase of Madeleine's.

This morning, Madeleine is putting me to a Dark Crystal "would you rather" sort of game.

MADELEINE: Mommy.  Who do you like better.  Kira or Brea?
ME: Um...I guess Brea.
MADELEINE: Kira or Deet?
ME: Deet.
MADELEINE: Kira or Tavra?
ME: Um.  Tie.
MADELEINE: Kira or Celedon?
ME: Kira.
MADELEINE: Kira or Skek-so?
ME: Kira.


This continued for many more minutes.  I was asked to rate Kira against every single Skekse character, as well as against every Gelfling in the movie. 

There is nothing I'd rather do while drinking my morning coffee than compare a Gelfling from the original "Dark Crystal" movie against EVERY OTHER CHARACTER from the Netflix series.  I didn't want to read anything while I enjoyed my coffee.  I totally just wanted to rank Dark Crystal characters.

Now Madeleine is overcome with inspiration to make a poster so that's what we're doing before we head out for school.  Who even knows what this poster is going to be for.

Reading Help

Last night, Madeleine came into our bedroom to ask a really urgent question.

MADELEINE: Mommy or Daddy?  Whoever knows MORE about Alaska, can you help me understand something in my book?
ME: What it is you don't understand?
MADELEINE: Like, what happens in this chapter.

She handed me her book, "Diamond Willow," and I read through the chapter.  Good thing I know about Alaska, because I was able to discern that the chapter was told from the point of view of a twin in the womb. This twin was born second, only to have her elder twin sister die within a few days of birth. 

I explained this to Madeleine after reading.

MADELEINE: Huh?  But the twin sister turns into a DOG.

Uh-oh.  I guess I don't know as much about Alaska as I thought. 

I did read a book years back that referenced Inuit religious beliefs about the soul after death, but I do not remember anything about dead people turning into dogs or other animals.  However, I suggested to Madeleine that perhaps the spirit of the dead twin was transferred into the body of a dog.  That satisfied Madeleine enough to go back to her bedroom for the night.

Madeleine has since announced to me that she'd like me to read the entire book, because she thinks I'll like it, so we'll see if I had the right theory or not.  Either way, I'm bound to increase my knowledge about Alaska after reading this book, which is, after all, set in the aforementioned state. 

Helpful Helpers

When I can really rely on my kids to come through for me:

MADELEINE: (calling from behind the closed bathroom door) Mommy!  I need you!

ME: What is it?

MADELEINE: (from behind the door) Just come here!

ME: Okay.  Why?

MADELEINE: (from behind the door) Just come here!  I need you!  Come in the bathroom!

I went into the bathroom to discover that Madeleine had dropped a brand new, full roll of toilet paper into the (very recently used) toilet.  Which meant that I was the lucky duck who got to reach into the toilet and remove the soiled roll of paper, then throw it into the garbage.  Meanwhile, Madeleine discovered that had been the last fresh roll from the upstairs bathroom, so I had to shout down to Julia to bring us up a new pack of toilet paper.

ME: (shouting down to the play room) Julia, can you quickly bring us up some toilet paper from the basement?

JULIA: Okay!

ME: (returning to the bathroom) Just hang tight, Madeleine. Julia's getting you a new role of toilet paper you can use.

MADELEINE: Uh, Mommy?  The toilet paper is in the BASEMENT.

ME: I know.

MADELEINE: Uh, Julia is TERRIFIED of the basement

ME: She is?!?  Why??

After another minute or so with no toilet paper, I decided to check on Julia.

ME: (calling downstairs) Hey Jules?

JULIA: (from the basement) Hang on!  I can't get the box open and I'm being VERY BRAVE DOWN HERE!

Yes, so very brave of her to enter our very scary basement which has NOTHING SCARY IN IT.

I wound up going downstairs to retrieve the toilet paper myself, because, let's face it, I do pretty much everything around here. But...A for effort for Julia, for facing her fears and entering our completely normal totally not scary basement.

No School Day

I am thinking of all my Jewish friends today on Yom Kippur.

For those of us who are not Jewish, it was a rainy no school day with nothing major to do, meaning my kids both spent a bunch of time on electronics.  Specifically, Madeleine has been busy making animations and I-movie trailers, sometimes forcing Julia to be in a scene.

As I was trying to get out the door for a run before the rain began (the rain which is forecast to last for 3+ DAYS...ugh...), both girls had the sudden urge to show me EVERY collage, animation, and gif they had created on their electronic devices. 

Among the things I had the privilege of viewing: an animation of a handful of Fruit Loops being eaten one by one (with the final Fruit Loop disappearing bite by bite,) an animation of a Barbie doll saving a beached Barbie Mermaid, a gif of Julia doing "dance moves," an animation of an American girl doll doing some unexplained thing, a collage of Julia's friends, a collage of Julia's family, a collage of Julia and cousin Owen, a collage of Julia at swim, a collage of Needham Sharks, an animation of Madeleine doing "dance moves," and an animation of a Beanie Boo bunny doing "dance moves." 

Oh, yeah, and then there was the more recent I-movie trailer that featured a few seconds of rapid fire shots of Madeleine's hair, and then a completely blank template that for some reason I was still obliged to watch through to the end.  Madeleine had briefly gone outside to take some action shots for her trailer, and was bursting with desire to show them to me.

MADELEINE: And then there's just a lot of blank stuff. (continuing to hold her laptop in front of my face for me to watch.

I anticipated that there might be some actual footage at some point, but nope, after that brief beginning I just got to watch templates saying things like "GROUP SHOT" and "ACTION SHOT" flash before me, as pre-programmed music played.  Let me tell you.  It.  Was.  Riveting.

I might not even have to watch any tv tonight to unwind, because I got so much stimulation from all these amazing action shots all day long!

A Very Harry Birthday

Madeleine had her birthday party on Friday, and all her Harry Potter dreams came true!

Madeleine has been planning this party since the summer, and I have been stressing out about how I would manage to pull off all her lofty ideas.  Madeleine also lent her own crafty skills to the party preparations, creating a hand-made gift for every goody bag.  Some gifts are probably more useful than others, but she made everything from a Hermione bookmark to a plastic wand to painted rocks and a gold-foiled covered plastic egg.  Not to mention a gold-foiled covered rock with paper wings taped to the sides to be a Golden Snitch.

Madeleine made her guest list over the summer, too, and only added to it once the school year began.  Reader, I had EIGHTEEN CHILDREN coming to my house for this party.  I had so much to prepare, and thankfully, I had the help of Minerva McGonagall's American, half-muggle sister to help out:

When the guests arrived, they painted pencils to make their own wands, but alas, the globs of paint that the kids layered upon their pencils failed to dry by the time the party ended.  No matter, because we had all sorts of fun things Madeleine had planned out.  Next up was a game in which we taped the name of a Harry Potter character to the back of each party guest, and the guests had to go around asking yes or no questions about their character until they guessed who they were.  Since the wand painting lasted all of 6 minutes and the party game was similarly short, I was beginning to panic.  But luckily, our Sorting Ceremony generated a lot of excitement.

We used a Sorting Hat to sort all the kids into Hogwart's houses, then commenced a Harry Potter trivia game.  I was pleased with the amount of time this game was eating up, but Madeleine began to worry about all her other plans.

YIAYIA: Okay, the next trivia question-
MADELEINE: Uh, Yiayia?  How many more questions, because we're on a VERY TIGHT schedule.

The trivia game ended suitably early for Madeleine's liking, and she then took all her friends outside to play her made up Quidditch and tag games.  I am so so so very relieved this all worked out, because when Madeleine was explaining her tag game to me I couldn't help but wonder how she was going to get eighteen girls to agree to her rules.

MADELEINE: So, like, you choose SOME people to be the Death-Eaters, and then the rest of the people are Hogwarts students and professors.  And, if you're a PROFESSOR, and you DON'T want to get tagged by a Death-Eater, you have to TOUCH YOUR ANKLE, and then you have a power that can stop the Death-Eaters from getting you.  So, like, if you're running, you have to lean down and touch your ankle quickly.

I stayed inside for this, getting dinner ready, so I only watched out the window, but the kids all seemed delighted and happy.  Go figure.

Last up was pizza, cupcakes, Hoodsies, and an abbreviated viewing of "Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban."  And then, happily, the parents came and the children left with their goody bags and happy memories. 

Happy Hogwart's Birthday Party to this girl!: