School Assembly

Julia's school has an assembly once a month, and in addition to a performance by a particular grade, individual students are allowed to audition to play a piece of music on various instruments.  In December, Julia was eager to audition on piano, then, due to nerves, made a lot of mistakes during the try-outs.  The teacher in charge of the assembly suggested Julia wait until the next month's assembly so that she'd have more time to work on her piece.  Julia was all for it.

That is, until the assembly actually approached.  I had been working with Julia on a totally different piece of music, one that she knows cold, that she could use for her audition.  As the week of sign-ups drew near, Julia was suddenly in full-out panic mode about trying out.

Nobody understands this sentiment more than her parents.  We have both experienced the pain of being a nervous wreck over performing.  We have both completely blown auditions because of nerves.  We have both made blaring, obvious mistakes during live performances.  So one would have thought that our experience and sympathy would be helpful in talking Julia through this.

What one wouldn't have expected would be Julia's total and utter irrational response to EVERYTHING surrounding the assembly.

She was clearly too freaked out to consider doing it.  But she was too freaked out to NOT do it.  We were in a serious bind.

ME: Well, Jules, tell you what.  Why don't you just go to the try-outs, and see how you feel?  If you feel BETTER after playing your piece at the try-out, then you can feel confident about the assembly.  If you totally freak out with nerves at the try-out, then you can tell the teacher you'd rather not play the assemby.
JULIA: (hysterical) MOM!  But then if I get in, I HAAAAVE to do the assembly!
ME: If you get in and you're still too nervous, I will email the teacher and tell her you can't do it.
JULIA: But then I HAAAAAAVE to do it!
ME: What's so terrible about doing it?
JULIA: (hysterically sobbing) Because!  I'm gonna MESS UP!  And then NOBODY WILL EVER WANT TO BE MY FRIEEEEEEND EVER AGAIN!

This doom and gloom would go on for awhile as I tried to calm her.  Once we could safely approach the subject again, I would take a different tactic.

ME: Well, let me just email your teacher and say you don't want to sign up for the auditions, then.
JULIA: (bursting into hysterical tears) Then I feel like I'm LETTING EVERYBODY DOOOOOOWN!  And I don't DESERVE anything.  You deserve EVERYTHING!  You get me such great Christmas presents and you do EVERYTHING and I don't deserve ANYTHING!

I am completely not exaggerating when I say this melt-down hysteria took up HALF A DAY last Saturday.  Ethan and I were at the point of desperation with Julia.  JUST MAKE A CHOICE.  Try out or don't try out.  JUST CHOOSE.  The crying over every possible option was wearing us down.

She chose to try out.  After the try-outs, she was excited to perform in the assembly.  Until the morning of.  Then it was basically a repeat of the past Saturday's panic.

Anyway, Ethan, Madeleine and I all attended the assembly to give Julia as much emotional support as possible.  By the time the event actually started, her nerves seemed to be gone.  And she got up there and performed her piece.  And you know what?  She made mistakes.  More than she ever makes practicing at home.  And you know what else?  She was able to carry on and get back on track.  The principal told her she did an awesome job, and she beamed with pride.  And guess what?  She didn't even lose a single friend.  WHEW!  Fears unfounded!

Unfortunately, my video cut off before her performance was finished, but I can at least provide you with the beginning of the piece:




Hooray, Julia!  I am so proud of you for facing your fears and getting up in front of the school to perform!

Even if it did create half a day of emotional angst for all involved.

Here's hoping next time around, the wisdom of experience will allow her to keep her cool and reduce her feelings of self-consciousness.  BRAVO, my wonderful daughter!

Speaking of self-conscious, Madeleine once again used the term in her "My Little Pony" pretend play game.  I overheard the ponies discussing the meaning of the word:

TWILIGHT SPARKLE: Shining Armor is just self-conscious!
SPIKE: What does self-conscious mean?
TWILIGHT SPARKLE: Self conscious means when you're having a wedding and you don't really want the wedding to BE for you and yourself. 

I would have called that "Cold Feet."  But Madeleine at least elaborated to me how this was self-consciousness:

MADELEINE: Yeah, like, when the wedding started, Shining Armor just kept HIDING BEHIND Princess Cadance.  Because...Twilight Sparkle was just staring at him, like, ONE HUNDRED TIMES!

Ah.  So maybe that's how Julia was feeling about performing in the assembly.  She was just wanting to hide behind the piano because the audience members were all staring at her one hundred times.  At any rate, she showed her true bravery in getting up there in front of everyone, and I could be more proud!  Congrats, Julia!  Maybe you can give Shining Armor a lesson on how to conquer your feelings of self-consciousness!