Madeleine Plays School

For the past twenty minutes, Madeleine has been playing "teacher," writing backwards numbers and jumbles of non-sensical letter formations on our white board, then calling on Julia and I to identify what she wrote.

MADELEINE: Now.  Raise your HAND if you know what THIS says?
JULIA AND I: (raising our hands)
MADELEINE: (in a very formal voice, with a hint of British accent) Julia Cathryn Rowe.   What does this say?
JULIA: Well, Madeleine, really it says "eieiiiilili."
MADELEINE: (breaking out of character) Uh, so, this says "Happy Valentines Day Lily, have a wonderful DAY!"  (back in character) So.  Julia Cathryn Rowe.  What does this say?
JULIA: Happy Valentines Day Lily, have a wonderful DAY.
MADELEINE: (authoritatively, and still half-British) Good.

And so on and so forth.

Understandably, Julia got tired of this game pretty quickly and launched into Gallop Time instead.

MADELEINE: So, this says "On Valentines Day we are going to have a Pajama Party so please wear your pajamas."  (resuming her British teacher voice) Julia Cathryn Rowe.  What does this say?
JULIA: (pausing, mid-gallop) I'm not plaaaaaying, Madeleine.
MADELEINE: (unphased) Julia Cathryn Rowe.  Can you tell me what this says?
JULIA: (becoming slightly frantic) I'm not plaaaaaying, Madeleine.  I don't want to play. I never SAID I was playing, Madeleine!
MADELEINE: Julia Cathryn Rowe, can-
JULIA: Madeleine, I'm not plaaaaaying!
ME: Can you just repeat what she told you to read and then you don't have to play anymore?
JULIA: (contemptuously) On Valentines Day we are going to have a Pajama Party.  Madeleine, I don't want to PLAY anymore.
MADELEINE: (sweetly) Okay, well then MOMMY can be Julia Cathryn Rowe.
ME: Sure, I'd be happy to be Julia Cathryn Rowe!

So now, here I am, still mired in the game (in fact, my teacher keeps asking me, "Why are you just TYPING and TYPING?  Julia Cathryn Rowe!  Come over here so I can teach you!")

My school lessons have included work at the piano, among other things.  When I had to go to the piano, Madeleine opened a lesson book for me, then began dictating what I should play.

MADELEINE: Okay.  Play A,B,C.
ME: (playing the notes A, B, and C on the piano)
MADELEINE: Okay.  Now play F.
ME: (playing F)
MADELEINE: Okay.  Now...W, R, U.

Uh...

Madeleine seemed completely unaware of the fact that I wasn't actually able to play any letters beyond G.  As long as I pressed random notes on the piano, she was satisfied.  However, SKIPPING any imaginary letters was not an option.

MADELEINE: Okay.  Julia Cathryn Rowe.  Now play G,U,B.
ME: (playing G, then B.)
MADELEINE: Uh, no, Julia Cathryn Rowe.  You only played the G and the U.  You need to play G, U, B.
ME: (playing G, then B, then G again.)
MADELEINE: Okay.  Good.

Barrels of fun, I tell you.  I wasn't at ALL hoping Madeleine would lose interest in the game soon so I could be off the hook.

At any rate, things came to a head a moment ago when the REAL Julia Cathryn Rowe got a little too physical with her sister.

JULIA: Madeleine, hold still for a minute.  There's something on your back.  Let me see... (lifting the bottom of Madeleine's shirt back.)  You have a little cut right here.  UH, MOMMY!  MADELEINE HAS A LITTLE CUT RIGHT HERE!
ME: Okay.  It's not a big deal as long as it doesn't hurt.
JULIA: Madeleine, does this hurt? (lightly grazing the cut)
MADELEINE: No.
JULIA: Does this hurt? (rubbing her fingers over Madeleine's back.)
MADELEINE: No.
JULIA: Does this hurt? (vigorously rubbing Madeleine's back)
MADELEINE: No.
JULIA: Does THIS hurt? (taking her palms and repeatedly smacking Madeleine's bare back.)
MADELEINE: (bursting into tears)
ME: JULIA!  You don't EVER hit.
JULIA: Soooory. 
ME: What were you thinking?!?
JULIA: I kept saying "does this hurt" and she kept saying "no" and I wanted her to say something DIFFERENT than "no" so we could get her a Band-Aid!
ME: So you decided to SMACK her??
JULIA: (chagrined silence)

I should point out that today was an Early Release Day at Julia's school, so the kids have been home for the past several hours already. 

It's gonna be a loooong afternoon in the Rowe household, folks.  For now, this is Julia Cathryn Rowe, signing off and going back to the scholarly grind...