More Poopy Tales

I was quickly abandoned by my dinner table companions this evening.

ME: Julia, finish up your dinner so you have time to digest before swim team.
JULIA: Uh, Mom?  I have to POOP.
ME: Okay.  Go ahead then.
JULIA: (picking up the last handful of her pasta and white beans and shoveling it straight into her mouth) But what time is it?
ME: You have plenty of time to poop.  Go ahead.
JULIA: (racing off to the bathroom)

Five seconds later...

MADELEINE: Mama?  Even one teeny tiny little small dot of poop on your underwear...you COULDN'T keep wearing them.
ME: That's right.  Because poop carries a LOT of germs.  (suddenly suspicious) Why?  Do you need to poop right now?
MADELEINE: Mmm...not TOO much.

Well, that's reassuring and doesn't make me worry that she's going to poop her pants again AT ALL.

ME: Why don't you just go try poop?  You'll have to go to the downstairs bathroom, because Julia is pooping in the upstairs one.
MADELEINE: (hopping around, eating one slow bite of pasta after another)
ME: Madeleine.  Go try poopies right now.  I don't want you to poop in your pants again because you hold it too long.
MADELEINE: Okay Mama.  (heading downstairs to use the basement bathroom.)

Ten seconds later...

MADELEINE: (from the basement bathroom) MAMAAA?
ME: (yelling down to her) YES?
MADELEINE: You were RIGHT, MAMA!
ME: RIGHT ABOUT WHAT?  THAT YOU NEED TO POOP? OR DID YOU GET POOP IN YOUR UNDERWEAR?!?
MADELEINE: (yelling from the bathroom) MORE THAN EVEN TEENY TINY LITTLE INVISIBLE...
ME: What?  WHAT?  WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?
MADELEINE: MAMAAA?  MORE THAN THE UNIVERSE AND THE STARS AD HEAVEN...
ME: (running downstairs in mild dread) What are you saying honey?
MADELEINE: (still going on) Even a teeny tiny one past the universe and everything and heaven...
ME: Madeleine.  Did you get poopies in your underwear?
MADELEINE: Yes.  Uh--NO!  MAMAAA?  I thought you were gonna say "Did you get poopies in the POTTY."
ME: Well, good, I'm so proud of you for getting your poopies in the potty. (heading back upstairs to finish my dinner)
MADELEINE: (yelling from the basement bathroom) MAMAA?

Sigh.

At least we didn't have another case of poopy underwear.  That is a major victory at this point!

And BOY did she get poopies in the potty.  In fact, she even clogged the toilet, which is awesome.

MADELEINE: Ooh, a CLOG!  Mama, can *I* do the clog, because I LOVE doing the clog!
ME: No, you just need to wash your hands now.

Seriously, Madeleine?  I think she may be the only human being on earth who actively WANTS to plunge the toilet. 

Speaking of, it's time for me to go do that now.  FUN.  TIMES.