Wat is Snow?

I know you have ALL been waiting with bated breath for the latest Julia-authored and illustrated book.  Well, wait no longer.  She has just released her very first book of poems, and boy, do they raise some deep philosophical questions.  She sounded out the words to this book all by herself.  I'm really impressed with her Chaucerian Old-English style of spelling, I must say.

 Poem 1: "Wat is snow wat is snow?  It's farme hede to toewe."

Poem 2: "Wat is Wintre?  What is Wintre?  Wat koode it be?"
Oh boy.  Heavy question.  What koode wintre be?  Is it just a season, or is everything we experience just an illusion??
On a side note, that snowman on the left sure is giving me a wily look.  I wonder what he koode be up to.

 Poem 3: "O wen is it Christmas?  O Christmas is almost here."
 Apparently not soon enough for my kids.

Poem 4: "Is it Christmas?  Is it Christmas?  O can it be here?"
(I promise on my life that we have not been letting our child watch the SNL "Dick in a Box" skit.  Those genitals sticking out of the present are actually scissors.)

Poem 5: "O Christmas Eve.  O Christmas Eve is here."
I hate to break it to the kids who own that tree, but I don't think it's going to stand up with a trunk as uneven as that one.

Poem 6: "Christmas Christmas is Here.  Yay yay yay!"

Uh.  Do you think Julia is excited about Christmas?  I really can't tell.

Speaking of Christmas, the kids got to attend our church Christmas Communion breakfast after the liturgy today, full of good food and desserts, and made especially exciting by a visit from Santa.  Julia dutifully sat upon his lap:

While Madeleine clung to me in a death grip, refusing to even lift her head off my shoulder to glance at Santa.

ME: Madeleine, what's so scary about Santa?
MADELEINE: Uh, his BEARD.
ME: And what else is so scary?
MADELEINE: Uh, his HAT and his coat.  His BOOTS.  And, uh, that white thing.  I don't know whatever thing it's called.

So.  Basically everything.  There is NOTHING about Santa that is not scary to her.  Even the things whose names she doesn't know are scary.

ME: But what was so scary about sitting in Santa's lap?  What was gonna happen if you sat in his lap?
MADELEINE: He's even got SCARY TEETH and gonna ROAR AT ME and I was "AGGGH!  Mommy, Mommy, Mommy.  (wisely) That's even SCARIER.

Okay.  So apparently Santa is a lion.  All these years that I've associated the sound of jingling bells with Santa, I should have instead kept my ear cocked for ferocious roaring.  It's a wonder he doesn't eat his reindeer.  Maybe we should be spelling his name Santa Claws instead.

I will end this blog with a poem I composed myself, just now, on the spot:
"Wat is Santa Claws?  Wat is Santa Claws?  Wat koode he be?  He is a lion and he's gonna ROAR AT ME!"