Julia develops a conscience

So, Julia has been especially obsessed with good behavior lately, to the point that she is filled with remorse if she thinks she has done anything that's "not nice." The positive side of this: I have never heard her use her manners or speak more politely than she has this past week. The negative side of this: in typical Julia fashion, she has become absolutely OCD about being "nice." And it's getting really old, really fast.

It wasn't too bad the first time; in fact, Ethan and I were both touched to discover how filled with empathy Julia can be for her fellow humans. It all started on the Fourth of July, when she had a sudden fit of remorse in the backyard, refusing to tell Ethan what she was so upset about, despite the fact that something was clearly eating her up inside. She finally fessed up, and it turns out that during the town parade that morning, she had seen one of the dancers and admired her shoes, but thought she was not a very good dancer. Julia was absolutely torn up about this, filled with tears, insisting that she needed to say sorry to this girl for thinking such a thing. After countless, completely ineffectual explanations about how it's actions that matter, not words, we were finally able to move past the whole crisis by relying on the religious upbringing I have been giving her. (Basically, me telling her that she could tell God she's feeling sorry and that she will always be forgiven.)

The next night, Julia couldn't sleep because she was once again full of remorse over another not-nice thing she had thought. This time wild horses couldn't drag the secret out of her, which of course made me act like a middle schooler ("Pleeeeease pleeeeeease tell me which boy you like! I promise I won't tell anyone! Pleeeeeeease!") As curious as I was, I never actually found out what her big sin was, and she eventually got over it.

The next day, as we were walking to the pool, I was quite vocal in my irritation at some SUV-owner who had parked his vehicle in the middle of the sidewalk, leaving no room to go around him, and giving me no option but to heft the stroller over the high lip of the sidewalk into the road to get by. As I complained about the situation, rhetorically moaning, "Why would somebody park like this?", Julia turned and asked me, "Mom? Were you thinking an idiot?" I basically told her that was what I had been thinking, but that I hadn't said it out loud because it's not a nice word.

Big mistake.

That evening, Julia was suddenly in tears at the dinner table, telling me how sorry she felt for having said that word.

"Julia, you were just asking me if that was the word I was thinking. You weren't calling anyone an idiot. You didn't do anything wrong. I'm the one who was thinking the not-nice word!"
"No, but Mom!" she wailed. "I was thinking it too!"

Well, whoever parked there was being an idiot. I tried to find a child-appropriate way to explain this. It didn't matter. She began perseverating on the idea that she needed to apologize to the driver of the SUV. And that I did too, since I had thought the not-nice word as well.

Fast-forward to today. This is how ridiculous it has gotten:

JULIA: Mommy, um, I thought a not-nice word, but I'm not going to say it.
ME: Oh, okay, well that's smart of you.
JULIA: But Mommy, I feel like I need to be sorry.
ME: It's okay, honey. You didn't say anything mean.
JULIA: But Mommy, I don't want to tell you what word it was, but can you guess?
ME: Ummm.... was it "hate?
JULIA: No.
ME: Was it "idiot?"
JULIA: No.
ME: Was it... "dope?"
JULIA: No! Mommy! Try and guess it!
ME: Can you give me a hint?
JULIA: No, I don't want to say it!
ME: I don't know, honey, I can't think of what it could be.
JULIA: Okay, Mommy, guess it with me!
ME: Okay. You start saying the word and I'll see if I can figure it out.
JULIA: Say it with me!
ME: Okay. (waiting)
JULIA: Mom! Say it!
ME: Julia, I have no idea what it is.
JULIA: Mom, I'm not going to say "aggravated," but that's how I'm feeling!
ME: Is that the word you were thinking that you're upset about?
JULIA: No!
ME: Honey, "aggravated" isn't a mean word.
JULIA: Oh. I thought it was.
ME: No, it's just a word to describe how someone is feeling. It's like angry, or sad, or frustrated. You use those words to describe your feelings.
JULIA: Okay. Well, Mom, I'm just feeling a little bit frustrated that you're not guessing the word.
ME: Was "aggravated" the word?
JULIA: No! Mom, try and guess it!
ME: I have no idea.
JULIA: I have an idea. Let's play a game where we each try and guess what the word is, and whoever guesses it right is the winner!
ME: Okay. You go first.
JULIA: Is it... "not nice?"
ME: Is that it?
JULIA: No! Now it's you're guess.

This went on and on. I still haven't found out what the word is, despite her pleas for me to keep guessing. Fortunately, we are leaving soon to go teach some piano lessons at a house down the street, so hopefully the whole not-nice thought will soon be forgotten. At least for a little while...