Summer Vacation...

Ahhhh, summer. 

The girls have been enjoying their down time, playing together like best buddies, and relishing their freedom.

Or, at least, that's how the summer vacation started off.  Now we are entering the period of inevitable fighting caused by too much togetherness.

How uncooperative, obstinate, and dramatic can two kids be in the short span between waking up and going to Swim Team practice at 9:30, right?  The answer is supremely. 

Here's a synopsis of our morning.

8:30 am: The happy quiet from down in the play basement erupts into shouting.

ME: What's going on down there?
JULIA: Madeleine's being MEAN to me!
ME: What is she doing?
JULIA: She WON'T move her stuffed animals away from the TV and I asked her to because I can't SEE the TV!
ME: Madeleine, can you please move them?

Silence

JULIA: Mommy!  She's NOT MOVING THEM!
ME: Madeleine, come up here.
MADELEINE: (screaming) Do I HAVE TO??!??
ME: Yes.
MADELEINE: (coming to the base of the stairs)
ME: Can you please move your stuffed animals so that Julia can see the tv?
MADELEINE: She CAN see the tv if she sits in the chair but she said (affecting a completely obnoxious tone) I don't WANT to sit in the chair.
ME: Can you-
JULIA: I did NOT SAY IT LIKE THAT!
ME: Listen, girls, I need to take a shower and you have swim team in a hour, so can you just work it out?


8:45am: I am just about to step in the shower when Julia comes pounding upstairs, hurls herself onto her bed and begins sobbing.

ME: What happened?
JULIA: Madeleine hit me with her blanket and it REALLY HUUUUUUURT!
ME: Madeleine, get up to your room for a time out right now.
MADELEINE: (silence)
ME: One.  Two-
MADELEINE: (screaming) I'm COMING! (stomping up the stairs, going into her room, and slamming her door.)



9am: I get out of the shower, get dressed, and go into Madeleine's room.

ME: Listen, hitting is NOT okay, and you know that.
MADELEINE: (remorseful silence)
ME: We have to get ready for swim team soon, but you're not going if you can't shape up your attitude.
MADELEINE: Okay.  I want to go.
ME: Then you need to stop acting like this.  What are you going to say to Julia when you get out of time-out?
MADELEINE: (looking at me stubbornly) "Poop."
ME: Okay, go ahead, try that.
MADELEINE: (hanging her head) I'm gonna say "sowwy."
ME: Have you brushed your teeth?
MADELEINE: No.
ME: You haven't??  Have you had breakfast?
MADELEINE: No.
ME: Oh, boy.  Go brush your teeth and I'll get you a piece of cinnamon bread and then we have to get ready for swim.


9:15am: Madeleine is on the couch eating her bread.

ME: Julia, can you get your bathing suit on?  Madeleine, hurry up and finish that bread, because we have to get to swim.
MADELEINE: (shovelling bites into her mouth before she's finished swallowing the previous bite)
ME: Hang on, hang on, chew first, then take the next bite.
JULIA: But MOMMY!  Madeleine's still eating and we're gonna be LAAAATE!
ME: No, we'll be fine.  Here, girls, there's some milk on the table for you.  I want you to drink it before we go because you need to be hydrated.
JULIA: I'll NEVER finish it in time!
ME: Just start drinking it and see how you do.
JULIA: (downing her milk)
MADELEINE: (taking one languid sip after another through her swirly straw)
JULIA: Madeleine!  Can you just drink it without the straw?  You're NEVER going to finish it and we're going to be LATE!
ME: Hurry along, Madeleine.
MADELEINE: (still languidly sipping)
ME: Okay.  Here.  That's good enough for now.  Let's just get your bathing suit on.
MADELEINE: But I didn't finish my miiiiilk!
ME: You're going too slowly and we have to go to swim.
MADELEINE: Hang on.  I need to go potty first.
JULIA: (completely losing it) MADELEINE!  We have to GO!
ME: Hurry up and go potty, Madeleine.


9:18am: Madeleine is still pooping on the potty

JULIA: Mommy, can I get in the car?
ME: Go ahead.
MADELEINE: Okay, Mommy, I'm just gonna wipe and then I'll be ready...
ME: Hurry up.  Wipe.  Good.  Wash your hands. Here, let me put your hair in a pony tail.  Let's get your bathing suit on.
MADELEINE: Mommy?  Can you put my milk in the fridge?
AUNTIE SHANNON: (coming upstairs) I'll put it in for you.
MADELEINE: No.
ME: You don't have time to put it in the fridge yourself, Madeleine.  Auntie Shannon will do it.
MADELEINE: No she won't.  She's gonna put it in the MICROWAVE.


9:22am: We are in the car, pulling out of the driveway.

JULIA: But Mommy.  My teacher SAID that a metaphor is when you say something is something.
ME: Well, that's technically true.  You weren't wrong when you told us that. 
JULIA: Yeah, but you all LAUGHED about it and it hurt my FEELINGS.
ME: Honey, we weren't laughing at you.  It was just a really broad explanation and it was funny because there was no way Madeleine would understand what a metaphor is without a more specific definition.
JULIA: But Daddy said "it's not when something is something."
ME: Honey, it IS when something is something, but that could apply to lots of other scenarios as well.  It was just funny because it was too broad an explanation for Madeleine to understand.
JULIA: Yeah, but you hurt my FEELINGS!
ME: Why are we suddenly harping on this again?
JULIA: Because Daddy said it's NOT when something is something but my teacher said it IS.
ME: You were technically correct.  It's just that you need to give more detail, like, a metaphor is when you say that an object or a feeling is some other object or a feeling, using that other object as a symbol.
JULIA: There is NO WAY I can understand what you're talking about.
ME: Okay, hop out of the car and go to practice.  Have fun.
MADELEINE: Mommy?  What should I do with my flip-flops?
ME: Follow Julia down to the pool and put them by your bag.  Julia, can you walk with Madeleine please?
JULIA: Okay, but SHE'S GONNA MAKE US LAAAATE!
ME: See ya.  Have fun. (driving off to let them be someone else's repsonsibility for the next 2 hours...)