Mornings With Kids

Life With Kids:


6:30am: Time to get up and get the kids ready for school and myself ready for work.  Ethan, who didn't get much sleep last night, opts to sleep a little longer.

I hop into the shower and within thirty seconds there is a kid talking to me from outside the shower curtain.  I can't hear a word she's saying.  Wow.  She's still talking.  Whatever she's saying is going on and on.

ME: (pulling the curtain open to see Julia holding her media book open for me)
JULIA: (pointing to a loose page) So should I tape it or-
ME: You can tape it if you want.
JULIA: Maybe I should just leave it.
ME: Okay.

I finish my shower and I'm towelling off when I have my friendly bathroom visitor back. 

JULIA: (holding up a shirt for me to see)
ME: Mmm-hmm.  Great.
JULIA: This shirt just HAS to go with jeggings.
ME: Okay.
JULIA: It just LOOKS like the kind of shirt that has to go with jeggings.
ME: Okay.
JULIA: Because it kind of POOFS out.
ME: Mmm-hmm.
JULIA: Can you imagine if I wore this with my STRIPED leggings?
ME: That would look funny.
JULIA: Or my GREEN polka dot leggings?
ME: That would be funny too.
JULIA: Or my regular jeans?
ME: Okay, I gotta go get dressed now.  You get dressed too.

I then crept into the bedroom and began stumbling around in the dark to get some clothes, trying to be as quiet as possible so as not to wake Ethan.

Next thing I knew, my little buddy was at the bedroom door.  Julia decided that the best way to use her time was to blindfold herself with the arm of her shirt and stagger her way into the dark bedroom.

ME: (whispering) Okay, go get dressed.
JULIA: (continuing to stagger around blindfolded)
ME: We don't wanna wake Daddy up.  Go get dressed.

Just as I was getting rid of one little friend, I heard a clanging and banging of bathroom drawers from my other little friend. 

ME: (rushing out into the hallway, still not dressed) Shhhh!  Madeleine, what are you doing?
MADELEINE: (full volume) MAMA?  I was TRYING to find the toenail clippers!
ME: I have some in my room.  Hang on.

I then further stumbled around in the dark to find the clippers and brought them to Madeleine, who decided to sit directly outside my bedroom door to clip her toenail.  Because the bedroom was dark, I had to leave the door a crack open to get enough light to find my clothes.  One would think this would signal the girls to use quiet voices outside the open door, but one would be wrong.  Madeleine and Julia proceeded to have a full-volume conversation, both perched directly outside the door.

MADELEINE: So, JULIA?  I told my friends about our Halloween party, and they asked if they're INVITED.
JULIA: Well Madeleine-
ME: Shhhhh!  Julia, get dressed!

I frantically upped my speed to try and retrieve all of my clothes before the next loud outburst, but I was too slow. 

MADELEINE: (shrilly) Mamaaaa!
ME: Shhhh!  Hang on!
MADELEINE: I need help clipping my toe!
ME: Shhhh.  (whispering) I'll be right there.
MADELEINE: (full-volume) Oh, NEVER MIND, I got it!

It would be a miracle if Ethan actually slept through all of that.

And now, as I take a few quiet moments to drink my coffee, I gaze around the house to see the state of utter chaos in which it lies.  There are two packs of construction paper on the couch.  There is a fuzzy pen and a sheet of paper on the floor next to the couch.  There are two plastic ducks, a cell-phone eraser, and a play purse on the coffee table.  There is a box of make-your-own bead bracelets on the dining room floor, three board games, magnetic Barbies, a play cell phone, Shopkins, and a ghost cup on the dining room table.

Kids sure know how to make their presence known even when they're not in the room.  It's a good thing I wouldn't want life to be any other way!