Chucky. UGH.

A few days ago, while Ethan was removing the rugs from our living and dining rooms, I called the girls upstairs to my bedroom to keep them out of Daddy's way.  We decided to watch a movie together, so we snuggled up in my bed and I turned on the television.

Whatever channel happened to be on when I switched on the tv was playing the horror movie "Child's Play."  I have never seen this movie, but I'm familiar enough with its premise to know that there is an evil doll named Chucky.

The movie was literally on for a matter of seconds before I switched to On Demand and we picked out a Barbie movie.  However, those few seconds apparently made a huge impression on the girls.

JULIA: Why is there a DOLL in that movie?  What IS that doll?
ME: His name is Chucky.
JULIA: But why is there a movie with real people and a DOLL?
ME: I don't know.  It's just a silly horror movie.

That was the extent of our discussion about "Child's Play," so you can imagine how unprepared I was for the lasting repercussions of their multiple seconds of viewing.

To begin with, Julia awoke in the middle of the night two nights ago and made a completely random remark to her roommate, Auntie Shannon.

JULIA: That movie is SO weird.
AUNTIE SHANNON: What movie?
JULIA: That horror movie with Chucky.

And that wasn't the end of things.  When I got home from rehearsal last night, Auntie Shannon filled me in on the fact that Madeleine had been talking endlessly about Chucky and had been too afraid of Chucky to go to sleep. 

This is the girls' reaction to literally seeing a few SECONDS of a movie during a completely benign scene in which no one was being killed.  Clearly, the movie-makers accomplished their mission if viewing a couple of seconds of Chucky talking is enough to terrify the living daylights out of people.  All because the random channel that the television was set to happened to be showing that movie when we turned the tv on.  THANKS A LOT, broadcasting company.

Auntie Shannon had managed to calm Madeleine's mind enough to sleep by telling her that stuffed Jesus would protect her, and that if Jesus ever saw Chucky he'd just say: "HEY CHUCKY!  GET OUT!"

I can see why that was reassuring to Madeleine.  I mean, if it's a showdown between these two dolls, you can just IMAGINE who will emerge as the champion warrior:

All of this led to a discussion this morning over what Jesus would do if He ever did encounter Chucky.

JULIA: I think that if Jesus really did meet Chucky, He would just THROW Chucky out the window.
ETHAN: I don't think Jesus would do that.  I think Jesus would take Chucky's pain from him.
ME: Yeah, He'd probably exorcise Chucky's demons.
JULIA: Well, I *know* that Jesus wouldn't take Chucky up to Heaven with Him!  He'd send Chucky BACK DOWN under the ground!
ME: Well, more like He'd send Chucky back to the shelf at the store that he came from.
JULIA: (thoughtful) Wait.  When dolls DIE, do they get buried on the shelves they came from?
ME: Uh...well honey, dolls can't die, so they don't get buried.
JULIA: Ohhhh.

She didn't know that??  I can clearly see that Chucky is not just a regular doll in Julia's eyes if she is imagining his burial.  Sheesh.  I am so regretting that the kids even ever saw a glimpse of that cursed doll.  Pun intended.

Meanwhile, Madeleine has attempted to recount to me why she can't stop thinking about Chucky:



She really shouldn't be so worried about Chucky coming to take her brains out.  After all, as long as she has her Jesus doll beside her, He'll be able to come to her rescue.  "HEY CHUCKY!  GET OUT!"