Rowe Household Awards

The Rowe household awards of the day:


MOST RIDICULOUS STALLING TECHNIQUE:

WINNER: Madeleine, sitting on the couch with her stuffed animals while background Christmas music played.

ME: Hey Madeleine?  Can you get dressed for school?  Did you pick out an outfit yet?
MADELEINE: Uh...I will, after Saoirse and Puff-Puff listen to this song.

Ah, yes, I can understand the urgency of having your stuffed seal and stuffed dog listen to the music in its entirety before you can focus on something like getting dressed.


MOST RIDICULOUS ARGUMENT EVER:

WINNERS: Julia and Madeleine


MADELEINE: Julia, at school, this boy kept dabbing in his seat.  He was like (imitating the dab move) and he kept doing it!
JULIA: (scathingly) Madeleine.  That's NOT how you dab.
MADELEINE: This is how I do it (imitating the dab move again)
JULIA: (scathingly) Madeleine.  That is NOT dabbing.  Dabbing is like THIS (performing the move herself)
MADELEINE: Well Julia?  This is how I do it.  And this is how that boy was doing it.  It was really funny!
JULIA: No.  Madeleine.  That's NOT a dab.
MADELEINE: He was going like this in his seat, over and over again! (performing the move)
JULIA: Madeleine.  That is NOT how you dab.
ME: Okay, Julia, whatever.  Just let her tell her story.
MADELEINE: He was just doing it over and over again.  It was *really* funny!
JULIA: (scathingly) I don't think that's funny, Madeleine.

Julia.  SHEESH.  Just LET.  IT.  GO.  The dap doesn't bother you, anyway.



MOST INDIVIDUALIZED PROJECT EVER:

WINNER: Julia's cookbook

JULIA: Daddy, I'm making a cookbook!
ETHAN: With all the recipes you know?
JULIA: I looked them up!  Then I'm writing them down in different words so that I'm not COPYING them!

Okay, I see.  So, what, is she using synonyms in order to avoid plagiarizing?  "Join together the parched ingredients with the moist ingredients."  "Whack the saccharine and the grease together."  "Bake for 10 minutes or until nut-colored."  Or is she actually changing around the measurements and finding out what surprise result she gets?

I can't wait to read it.


MOST RIDICULOUS MELT-DOWN EVER:

WINNER: Madeleine's, over who the heck really knows what.

MADELEINE: Julia, will you play one game of Wii sports with me?
JULIA: No, because I'm galloping!
MADELEINE: Please, Julia?  Pleeeeease?
JULIA: I'm galloping!
MADELEINE: Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeease Julia?  Please please pleeeeeeeeeeeeease??
JULIA: Okay, fine.

Game begins

MADELEINE: Wow, Julia, you're really good at this!
JULIA: Thanks.
MADELEINE: (slightly panicked) Uh, Julia, can you please not win?
JULIA: Madeleine, it's not fun if you don't try to win.
MADELEINE: (more panicked) STOP it, Julia!  STOP beating me!
JULIA: Madeleine-

(sound of a remote being thrown across the room)

MADELEINE: You're a BIG MEANIE, Julia!  You're a BIG MEANIE SISTER!
ME: Madeleine Emilia!  Turn off the Wii and get in your room. I don't like how you're talking to your sister.
MADELEINE: She's a BIG MEANIE!
ME: Turn off the Wii.
MADELEINE: (screaming) I *AM*!
ME: Go in your room and read some "Rainbow Magic Fairy" until you calm down.
MADELEINE: (choosing to hide under the desk instead)
ME: Madeleine, if you don't get up here by the time I get to "3" you're going to lose a Christmas present.
MADELEINE: (stomping upstairs)
ME: Go in your bedroom.
MADELEINE: (hiding in the bathroom)
ME: Madeleine, you're going to lose a Christmas present if you don't get in your room.
MADELEINE: (staying put in the bathroom)
ME: Okay, Madeleine, you've lost a present.  I'm going to donate one of the presents I bought you to Toys for Tots.  If you don't want to lose another one, you'll get in your bedroom right now.
MADELEINE: (running into her bedroom, sobbing)

Five minutes later

ME: (checking on Madeleine) Honey, you need to listen when I ask you to do something.  Right away.  Not hide and disobey.
MADELEINE: (sobbing hysterically) Mommy, please don't do this!  Please don't give a toy away!  Please, Mommy, pleeeeeeease!
ME: Honey, it's too late.  I told you what the consequence would be, and you decided to disobey.
MADELEINE: (clutching me) I need you to snuggle me! I need you!  I never see you anymore!  You're always busy!  I neeeeeeed you!  Snuggles!
ME: I have to cook dinner.  I can't do snuggles right now.


10 minutes later

ME: Okay, Madeleine, I can give you some snuggles now if you still want them.
MADELEINE: (coming to the couch and cuddling up with me.)
ME: You know I always love you no matter what, right?
MADELEINE: Oh, Mommy.  You're so emotional and EMBARRASSING.


Um.  Okay.  *I'm* the emotional and embarrassing one?  Right.