Camp Champ

A few months back, I bought the girls a DVD of one of the original Care Bears movies (made way back when I was a kid, or perhaps even before I was born.)  While the girls thoroughly enjoyed the film, Madeleine in particular grew obsessed with it.  (I know; shocking, right?  It's not like Madeleine gets obsessed with movies at all.  I mean, it's not like she's constantly Simba or anything...)  One of the plot points of this movie is the fact that the human protagonists (as opposed to the Care Bear and Care Cousin protagonists) are ostracized at summer camp because of their constant last-place finishes in all athletic competitions.  Eager to become the new "Camp Champ" (which basically amounts to being the Queen Bee who literally dumps on the other losers - by making them do trash duty and pulling pranks like pouring the contents of the trash can over their heads), one of the main characters trades her soul to the evil Dark Heart for an unbeatable athletic prowess. 

Never mind that the whole idea of being "Camp Champ" is portrayed as misguided, and the champs themselves are jerks.  Madeleine has attached herself to the concept of "Camp Champ," and it has now permeated many aspects of our everyday lives. 

Everyone in this house is sick of the Camp Champ except for Madeleine.  Here are the basic ways in which one can be the Camp Champ of the Rowe household: 1) getting out of the car first and being the first one in the house, up the stairs, and into the kitchen.  2) getting up the staircase into Madeleine's bedroom first.  3) being ahead of everyone else on the sidewalk as we walk home from Julia's school.  4) being the first one to reach our house after any kind of walk.  5) being the first one into ANY ROOM anywhere we go.

Perhaps this is needless to say, but Madeleine always insists on being the Camp Champ.  Which means that we have to let her be the first one up the back steps and into the house, no matter how badly we need to get to the bathroom or do anything else.  (If we dare rush by her slowly plodding body, she reminds us shrilly: "No!  LET MEEEE be the Camp Champ!")  She also needs to be the one running ahead of the rest of us on our walks home from Julia's school.  If Julia is off in la-la land, skipping along the sidewalk, and happens to pass Madeleine, Madeleine will literally wing her arms out to bar Julia from getting by.  "JULIAAAA!  Let MEEEEE be the Camp Champ!"  It gets especially ridiculous when it's time to put Madeleine to bed.  She adamantly insists on going up the stairs to her room first so she can be the Camp Champ.  She is also adamantly unwilling to enter her bedroom herself because she's afraid of the darkness.  So after her scramble up the stairwell, she then has to call for me with pathetic plaintiveness because she needs me to go into her bedroom first and turn on her light.

It's really fun.

Things *really* hit disaster level when I dare to forget that the Camp Champ game is ongoing ALL THE TIME and I unconsciously go into the house before Madeleine.  This happened today, after I picked her up from school, as I was juggling her school art projects, her backpack, her lunch box, and my purse, and thinking solely of unburdening my arms when I got inside. 

BIG mistake. 

I entered the kitchen via the back stairwell entrance, only to discover Madeleine sobbing mid-stairwell after I had put down all of my baggage.  SHE wanted to be the Camp Champ.  Why didn't I let her be the Camp Champ?? 

I tried to go back into the stairwell and let her walk up and enter the kitchen first.  Too little too late.  The damage was irreparable.  I had TOTALLY blown it, and nothing I said or did could quell her tears.  That is, until I promised her it would be her turn to be the Camp Champ next time we entered the house.

Even though Julia is old enough that she could technically regard the Camp Champ stuff as the B.S. that it is, she totally can't.  She, of course, gets all wound up over Madeleine's need to ALWAYS be the Camp Champ, calling Madeleine out on how unfair it is, and commanding Madeleine that, "Tomorrow it's MY turn to be the Camp Champ."  And it just figures that when Madeleine actually honored this command, Julia was in a Mrs. Grumpypants mood and preferred to dawdle poutily behind Madeleine and I on our walk home from school rather than skip on ahead.

It turns out that Madeleine's inability to handle not being the Camp Champ extends to OTHER people, whose turn it is to be Camp Champ, not abiding by the Camp Champ rules.

MADELEINE: (breaking into tears on the sidewalk) Juliaaaaa!  You need to RUN AHEAD of us!  Juliaaaaaa!  It's YOUR turn to be the CAMP CHAMP!
ME: It's okay, Madeleine.  Let's just keep walking.  We can let Julia go ahead of us when we get to our driveway.
MADELEINE: No, Mommy!  Julia needs to be in FRONT of us!
ME: Well, maybe Julia's letting you be the Camp Champ today.
MADELEINE: (more tears) No, Mommy, JULIA is the Camp Champ!  Juliaaaaa!  You need to be the CAMP CHAMP!
ME: Julia, go ahead and pass by us so you can be the Camp Champ.
JULIA: (dilly-dallying behind us with a pouty face) Moooom.  Maaaaadeleine.  I don't WAAAANT to go ahead of you.
MADELEINE: (even more tears) JULIAAAA!  You're the CAAAMP CHAAAAMP!

As I said, fun times.  The best thing is that in order to be Camp Champ, you apparently need to be ahead of the other losers the whole walk home, THEN get to the house first, THEN be the first one up the stairs and into the doorway that leads to the kitchen.  There is no leeway for, say, coming up the driveway second but then getting in the house first.  Nope.  It's all or nothing for the Camp Champ.

Boy, oh boy.  I am SO glad that *this* is the lesson Madeleine picked up from the Care Bears. 

CARE-A-LOT, WE CARE A LOT! (about ourselves and our own obsessive needs being fulfilled...)