Clowns. AGAIN.

Julia, last night, scampering into our bedroom at 9pm.

ME: Good night, honey.
JULIA: Um, Mommy, um...I was reading my book, and it made me scared about CLOWNS again.
ME: Honey, clowns are not scary.  Clowns are supposed to cheer children up and make them laugh.
JULIA: No they're not.  Clowns are SCARY CREEPY creatures that MURDER people.
ETHAN: It's perfectly legitimate to find clowns creepy, but there is no reason to be scared of them right now.
JULIA: But what if one comes into my bedroom and MURDERS me?
ME: Julia.  I will bet my LIFE on the fact that there is NO WAY a clown is going to come into your bedroom tonight.
JULIA: But did you lock all the doors?
ME: Yes.
JULIA: What about the back door?
ME: Yes, honey.
JULIA: Can you check EVERYWHERE in the house to make sure there are no CLOWNS?
ME: No.  Julia.  There are no clowns.  Go to bed.
JULIA: But-
ME: Honey, there is nothing scary about clowns.
JULIA: Yes there IS!
ETHAN: It's fine if you finds clowns scary, Julia, but think about this: which scenario is more likely?  A) That you go into your bedroom and go to sleep and a clown comes and murders you, B) That you go into your bedroom and go to sleep and when you walk out of your bedroom in the morning, a cow falls on your head, or C) That you go into your bedroom and go to sleep and tomorrow morning you wake up and go to school?
JULIA: (tentatively) The last one??
ME: Right.  Go to bed.
ETHAN: So, there might be a .00000001 percent chance-

I had no patience for his logic.

ME: No. There are no clowns.  Go now.  To your room.  A clown is not going to come into your bedroom.  Good night.
JULIA: (getting up and slowly making her way to the door)
ME: A clown is NOT GOING TO GET YOU.
JULIA: It won't get me in my room but ITCANGETMEOUTHERE! (sprinting through the hallway into her bedroom and shutting her door emphatically for safety.)



Rest assured, it was Scenario C that came true for Julia this morning.  No clowns or cows around here, folks.