Ridiculousness

Okay, Madeleine, of all the stalling techniques...

Right before brushing teeth for bed:

MADELEINE: I'm thirsty for a fourth milk.  But I shouldn't have a fourth milk.
ME: Do you want some water?
MADELEINE: No, I'm only thirsty for milk.
ME: Then go ahead and have a milk.
MADELEINE: But I already had THREE milks today!
ME: It's fine.
MADELEINE: No it isn't!  Doesn't milk make you have too much energy or something?
ME: No.  Milk can decrease your body's ability to absorb iron, so that's why I tell you girls not to drink milk with your iron vitamin.  It's iron that gives you energy.
MADELEINE: But then I shouldn't have another milk.  I don't want to get no energy.
ME: Honey, I think you have plenty of energy.  I'm not worrying about your iron.
MADELEINE: But Mommy.  YOU have low iron, and you never drink milk.
ME: I know I have low iron.  That's why I take iron vitamins too.

A half hour later, at bedtime:

MADELEINE: (reading the exhaustion and desperation for the kids to go to bed on my face) Mommy, what's wrong?
ME: I'm just tired.
MADELEINE: But Mommy!  (filling with tears) I don't WANT you to have low iron!
ME: Honey, I get my iron tested every time I go to the doctor.  You don't need to worry.
MADELEINE: But what if it's STILL low?
ME: If it really was still low, the worst that could happen is I'd get an iron shot.
MADELEINE: Mommy?  That sounds like the kind of shot you get in your MUSCLE.  The kind that really hurts.
ME: It might be.
MADELEINE: (tears pouring down her face) But I don't like thinking about SCARY things, like things that make you DIE!
ME: Honey, I'm not going to die from low iron.
MADELEINE: No, but I mean, thinking about things that you COULD die from.
ME: Like what?
MADELEINE: Like your IRON!
ME: Honey, I'm really not at all at risk of dying.
MADELEINE: But I don't like thinking about scary shots that hurt!
ME: Oh, don't worry.  I'm really brave about things like that.  It would be okay if I had a shot, but I don't even need one, because the iron vitamins work for me.
MADELEINE: (sobbing) But I'm scared about if *I* have to get the kind of shot that hurts!!
ME: Okay.  Madeleine.  You don't have to get any iron shots, and by the time you're a grown-up, if you ever have to get things that hurt at the doctor, you'll realize that you're not so scared about it anymore.
MADELEINE: But I'm scared about EVERYTHING!
ME: Like what?
MADELEINE: Like my CLOSET.
ME: Well, at our old house, you didn't even have a closet to hang your dresses in.  Wouldn't you rather have your closet now than not have one?
MADELEINE: But things LIVE in it!
ME: Uhh, maybe a bug or two might live in the closet here and there, but nothing else.
MADELEINE: Yes!  Things live in it!
ME: Like what?
MADELEINE: Scary things that aren't ALIVE live in it!
ME: So things that aren't alive are living in your closet?  How is that possible?
MADELEINE: (bursting into giggles) It sounds funny when you say it like that.
ME: That's because it's ridiculous.
MADELEINE: But it's scary!
ME: How can you possibly be scared of things that aren't alive?
MADELEINE: No, I mean things that aren't REAL that are scary.
ME: So you're scared of things that aren't real and aren't alive?  You're scared of nothing?
MADELEINE: No, like, I said "things that aren't real" to, like, EXPLAIN what they are.
ME: So, you mean you're scared of things that don't exist because they're not real?
MADELEINE: (giggling harder)
ME: Yeah.  I thought so.  Okay, good-night.


Let's hope she has a sleep free from nightmares about iron shots and things that aren't real.