So I thought it would be fun to play a very tame version of "Would You Rather" with the girls today. What inspired it was Madeleine's desire to take, in her words, "basketball lessons," to learn the rules of how to play basketball.
ME: What if you could only choose one sport? Would you choose basketball or swimming?
MADELEINE: SWIMMING!
ME: Really? But you keep saying you want to play basketball.
MADELEINE: But I *love* swimming!!
ME: Julia, what would you choose if you could only choose one? Honors Chorus or swim team?
JULIA: (anguished silence)
ME: You can still do both. Don't worry. I'm just asking for fun.
JULIA: (still anguished) I don't knoooooooooow!
ME: If you HAD to choose.
JULIA: Both!
ME: Okay, let's move on. Madeleine. Summer track or swim team?
MADELEINE: Swim team!
ME: Okay. Julia. Band or swim team?
JULIA: (anguished silence)
MADELEINE: Julia, you CAN'T pick both!
JULIA: BOTH!
ME: But if you HAD to pick.
JULIA: (thoughtful silence)
ME: (waiting)
JULIA: Both!
A few moments later, Julia decided to turn the questions back on me in an attempt to prove how hard it was to choose. Boy, did I show her wrong.
JULIA: (smugly) Okay Mommy. Singing or running.
ME: Singing.
JULIA: (smugly) Flute or piano?
ME: Flute.
Then Madeleine took her turn.
MADELEINE: Me or running?
ME: YOU or running? You, of course!
MADELEINE: I knew it! Julia or running.
ME: Julia.
MADELEINE: Me or Julia?
Damn. She got me. I suddenly became a Julia.
ME: I could NEVER choose between you. Both.
I just violated my own darn rules. Way to go, Madeleine. You called me out for the hypocrite that I am.
Tuesday, December 13, 2016
Monday, December 12, 2016
Dramatics
We have some serious First World Problems in the Rowe household. We also have a competition in play: which Rowe daughter wins the award for the most Dramatic Over-Reaction? Cast your vote here!
CONTESTANT #1: Julia
SCENARIO: A school morning, in which Julia attempts to do her own ponytail all by herself
JULIA: (sitting at the breakfast table, attempting to do her hair) ARRRGH!
ME: Do you need help?
JULIA: (stony silence)
ME: Okay.
JULIA: (emitting another wail of frustration)
ME: I can do your ponytail for you if you want.
JULIA: (stomping off to her bedroom)
Silence
JULIA: (shrieking in frustration from her room)
ME: (shouting down the hall) I'm happy to help you if you'd like.
JULIA: (from behind her closed bedroom door) NO!
Silence
JULIA: (re-entering the dining room, still trying to do her own hair)
ME: (silence)
JULIA: ARRRGH! (letting her hair fall down onto her shoulders) I'm just a FAILURE AT LIFE!
CONTESTANT #2: Madeleine
SCENARIO: We have just returned home from swim team practice. Madeleine is happily chattering at me while buoyantly walking into the basement from the garage. Julia, who is not feeling well, is in Auntie Shannon's room watching The Santa Clause 2.
ME: Put your wet swim stuff in the washing machine and then come upstairs for dinner, Madeleine.
MADELEINE: (non-responsive)
ME: (heading upstairs) Come on up for dinner!
MADELEINE: (sounds of whining echoing up from the basement)
ME: Madeleine! Come upstairs!
MADELEINE: (breaking down into sobs, continuing to whine)
ME: Madeleine! What is the problem??
MADELEINE: (muffled crying) AND YOU DID IT WITHOUT MEEEEEE!
ME: Madeleine! Are you seriously crying because Julia is watching a movie without you?
MADELEINE: (sobbing) She's NEVER EVER gonna watch it again and I won't get to SEEEEEE it!
At this point Ethan intervened, going downstairs to try and talk some sense into Madeleine.
ETHAN: Madeleine, you don't need to cry just because Julia watched a movie while you were at swim.
MADELEINE: Julia and Auntie Shannon watched it ON PURPOSE because I'M THE WORST!
So, what do you think readers? Is Julia a failure at life simply because she couldn't do her own ponytail? Is Madeleine really the WORST, therefore causing her aunt and sister to DELIBERATELY watch a movie without her? Or are they over-reacting? Who is the bigger Drama Queen? Cast your votes in the comments section!
CONTESTANT #1: Julia
SCENARIO: A school morning, in which Julia attempts to do her own ponytail all by herself
JULIA: (sitting at the breakfast table, attempting to do her hair) ARRRGH!
ME: Do you need help?
JULIA: (stony silence)
ME: Okay.
JULIA: (emitting another wail of frustration)
ME: I can do your ponytail for you if you want.
JULIA: (stomping off to her bedroom)
Silence
JULIA: (shrieking in frustration from her room)
ME: (shouting down the hall) I'm happy to help you if you'd like.
JULIA: (from behind her closed bedroom door) NO!
Silence
JULIA: (re-entering the dining room, still trying to do her own hair)
ME: (silence)
JULIA: ARRRGH! (letting her hair fall down onto her shoulders) I'm just a FAILURE AT LIFE!
CONTESTANT #2: Madeleine
SCENARIO: We have just returned home from swim team practice. Madeleine is happily chattering at me while buoyantly walking into the basement from the garage. Julia, who is not feeling well, is in Auntie Shannon's room watching The Santa Clause 2.
ME: Put your wet swim stuff in the washing machine and then come upstairs for dinner, Madeleine.
MADELEINE: (non-responsive)
ME: (heading upstairs) Come on up for dinner!
MADELEINE: (sounds of whining echoing up from the basement)
ME: Madeleine! Come upstairs!
MADELEINE: (breaking down into sobs, continuing to whine)
ME: Madeleine! What is the problem??
MADELEINE: (muffled crying) AND YOU DID IT WITHOUT MEEEEEE!
ME: Madeleine! Are you seriously crying because Julia is watching a movie without you?
MADELEINE: (sobbing) She's NEVER EVER gonna watch it again and I won't get to SEEEEEE it!
At this point Ethan intervened, going downstairs to try and talk some sense into Madeleine.
ETHAN: Madeleine, you don't need to cry just because Julia watched a movie while you were at swim.
MADELEINE: Julia and Auntie Shannon watched it ON PURPOSE because I'M THE WORST!
So, what do you think readers? Is Julia a failure at life simply because she couldn't do her own ponytail? Is Madeleine really the WORST, therefore causing her aunt and sister to DELIBERATELY watch a movie without her? Or are they over-reacting? Who is the bigger Drama Queen? Cast your votes in the comments section!
Thursday, December 8, 2016
Fairies
Julia and Madeleine have apparently collaborated on a project. I recognize Julia's handwriting and Madeleine's artwork:
Hmm. I don't know which of these "Medevil" fairies I would want flittering into my life. Whose magic fairy dust would most successfully make my dreams come true?
Would it be Cassie, who looks like she's about to cry with tears of gratitude from finally being chosen? Or Nora, whose magic seems to be good for making her ponytail defy gravity? Or how about Petunia, whose fresh escape from a mental asylum will surely lead her to make rational decisions? Perhaps I'd like help from Charlotte the Ice Queen, who totally isn't a conniving villain at all? Maybe Kayley, who appears to have spiders growing out of her bushy hair, or Delia, who is clearly on some sort of amphetamines. Nah, I think I'll hedge my bets with Diana, who can't seem to take her eyes off of her phallus-shaped crown.
Who am I kidding? This is the cream of the fairy crop here, so I really can't go wrong with any of these fairies, should I need them to grant me my truest wishes!
Hmm. I don't know which of these "Medevil" fairies I would want flittering into my life. Whose magic fairy dust would most successfully make my dreams come true?
Would it be Cassie, who looks like she's about to cry with tears of gratitude from finally being chosen? Or Nora, whose magic seems to be good for making her ponytail defy gravity? Or how about Petunia, whose fresh escape from a mental asylum will surely lead her to make rational decisions? Perhaps I'd like help from Charlotte the Ice Queen, who totally isn't a conniving villain at all? Maybe Kayley, who appears to have spiders growing out of her bushy hair, or Delia, who is clearly on some sort of amphetamines. Nah, I think I'll hedge my bets with Diana, who can't seem to take her eyes off of her phallus-shaped crown.
Who am I kidding? This is the cream of the fairy crop here, so I really can't go wrong with any of these fairies, should I need them to grant me my truest wishes!
Monday, December 5, 2016
Madeleine Joins the Movement
Yesterday, as I was driving home from church, I passed by a young man and woman holding "Black Lives Matter" signs. I honked my horn and gave them the thumbs-up, which prompted a discussion with the girls about the Black Lives Matter movement and the rise of hate crimes since Trump's election. I explained that signs saying things like "Black Lives Matter" are not just a push for those in power to take these things seriously, but also a way of showing support to stand up against racism and prejudice. Madeleine decided we need a sign for our house so we can proclaim our stance to the world. Last night, in the middle of a rehearsal Ethan and I were having with our vocal quartet, Madeleine made our sign. Despite the fact that we singers were in the middle of a piece, Madeleine ran up to the front of the church we were soon to perform at, brandishing her sign. What do you think of it?:
"Black lives MATTER! Dont just see a black person walking down the street and shoot them!"
With an evil-eyed heart holding a crossed-out gun in one hand and a check-marked "Black Lives Matter" sign in the other.
I think this sign will really make a difference, don't you?
With an evil-eyed heart holding a crossed-out gun in one hand and a check-marked "Black Lives Matter" sign in the other.
I think this sign will really make a difference, don't you?
Sunday, December 4, 2016
Bathroom Break at Church
From up in the choir loft today, I could see Madeleine wiggling back and forth up in the front pew of church. A moment later, I saw her in conversation with Julia, then Madeleine went walking down the aisle towards the church doors. Pretty certain that she was on her way to the bathroom, I left the choir loft to see if she needed a hand. Turns out she did, because the main floor bathroom was in use, and she was feeling pretty desperate. I hurried her downstairs with me to the bathroom in the lower hall.
MADELEINE: Thanks, Mommy! That was taking forever waiting for the bathroom to be free.
ME: I'm glad you didn't try to hold it too long.
MADELEINE: Yeah. And Mommy? I didn't do the bathroom sign in sign language to Julia. I just kind of...pointed at my CROTCH AREA, and, like...wiggled around. And she said, "You have to go to the bathroom?" And I said, "Yes. Will you come with me?" And she said no.
Yeah. Why communicate in total silence with a sign language gesture you both understand when you can instead perform the totally appropriate gesture of pointing at your crotch area? In the front pew. At church. Makes total sense. Man, have I taught my children well, right?
MADELEINE: Thanks, Mommy! That was taking forever waiting for the bathroom to be free.
ME: I'm glad you didn't try to hold it too long.
MADELEINE: Yeah. And Mommy? I didn't do the bathroom sign in sign language to Julia. I just kind of...pointed at my CROTCH AREA, and, like...wiggled around. And she said, "You have to go to the bathroom?" And I said, "Yes. Will you come with me?" And she said no.
Yeah. Why communicate in total silence with a sign language gesture you both understand when you can instead perform the totally appropriate gesture of pointing at your crotch area? In the front pew. At church. Makes total sense. Man, have I taught my children well, right?
Saturday, December 3, 2016
June
So, I'm not really sure what to think of the new book Madeleine started writing and illustrating today:
June!
"A selcy song."
It's a bit reassuring that June is a selkie, I guess, because without that detail I might assume she was a drowned corpse floating along the river.
Arora borealis's"
"Hununges ice beargs"
Hmm. June still looks like a corpse to me. And she's obviously in some kind of danger, because July and Rita sure are rushing over to her in alarm. Also, is July like Pig Pen from "Charlie Brown" or something? What is that all over her face? And finally, does anybody else think that one of these names doesn't belong? June, July, and...Rita.
Here's the next page of the book:
"June's Secret!"
Either June doesn't have any secrets, or Madeleine got distracted and ran off to do something else instead.
"A selcy song."
It's a bit reassuring that June is a selkie, I guess, because without that detail I might assume she was a drowned corpse floating along the river.
"Hununges ice beargs"
Hmm. June still looks like a corpse to me. And she's obviously in some kind of danger, because July and Rita sure are rushing over to her in alarm. Also, is July like Pig Pen from "Charlie Brown" or something? What is that all over her face? And finally, does anybody else think that one of these names doesn't belong? June, July, and...Rita.
Here's the next page of the book:
Either June doesn't have any secrets, or Madeleine got distracted and ran off to do something else instead.
Friday, December 2, 2016
Rowe Household Awards
The Rowe household awards of the day:
MOST RIDICULOUS STALLING TECHNIQUE:
WINNER: Madeleine, sitting on the couch with her stuffed animals while background Christmas music played.
ME: Hey Madeleine? Can you get dressed for school? Did you pick out an outfit yet?
MADELEINE: Uh...I will, after Saoirse and Puff-Puff listen to this song.
Ah, yes, I can understand the urgency of having your stuffed seal and stuffed dog listen to the music in its entirety before you can focus on something like getting dressed.
MOST RIDICULOUS ARGUMENT EVER:
WINNERS: Julia and Madeleine
MADELEINE: Julia, at school, this boy kept dabbing in his seat. He was like (imitating the dab move) and he kept doing it!
JULIA: (scathingly) Madeleine. That's NOT how you dab.
MADELEINE: This is how I do it (imitating the dab move again)
JULIA: (scathingly) Madeleine. That is NOT dabbing. Dabbing is like THIS (performing the move herself)
MADELEINE: Well Julia? This is how I do it. And this is how that boy was doing it. It was really funny!
JULIA: No. Madeleine. That's NOT a dab.
MADELEINE: He was going like this in his seat, over and over again! (performing the move)
JULIA: Madeleine. That is NOT how you dab.
ME: Okay, Julia, whatever. Just let her tell her story.
MADELEINE: He was just doing it over and over again. It was *really* funny!
JULIA: (scathingly) I don't think that's funny, Madeleine.
Julia. SHEESH. Just LET. IT. GO. The dap doesn't bother you, anyway.
MOST INDIVIDUALIZED PROJECT EVER:
WINNER: Julia's cookbook
JULIA: Daddy, I'm making a cookbook!
ETHAN: With all the recipes you know?
JULIA: I looked them up! Then I'm writing them down in different words so that I'm not COPYING them!
Okay, I see. So, what, is she using synonyms in order to avoid plagiarizing? "Join together the parched ingredients with the moist ingredients." "Whack the saccharine and the grease together." "Bake for 10 minutes or until nut-colored." Or is she actually changing around the measurements and finding out what surprise result she gets?
I can't wait to read it.
MOST RIDICULOUS MELT-DOWN EVER:
WINNER: Madeleine's, over who the heck really knows what.
MADELEINE: Julia, will you play one game of Wii sports with me?
JULIA: No, because I'm galloping!
MADELEINE: Please, Julia? Pleeeeease?
JULIA: I'm galloping!
MADELEINE: Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeease Julia? Please please pleeeeeeeeeeeeease??
JULIA: Okay, fine.
Game begins
MADELEINE: Wow, Julia, you're really good at this!
JULIA: Thanks.
MADELEINE: (slightly panicked) Uh, Julia, can you please not win?
JULIA: Madeleine, it's not fun if you don't try to win.
MADELEINE: (more panicked) STOP it, Julia! STOP beating me!
JULIA: Madeleine-
(sound of a remote being thrown across the room)
MADELEINE: You're a BIG MEANIE, Julia! You're a BIG MEANIE SISTER!
ME: Madeleine Emilia! Turn off the Wii and get in your room. I don't like how you're talking to your sister.
MADELEINE: She's a BIG MEANIE!
ME: Turn off the Wii.
MADELEINE: (screaming) I *AM*!
ME: Go in your room and read some "Rainbow Magic Fairy" until you calm down.
MADELEINE: (choosing to hide under the desk instead)
ME: Madeleine, if you don't get up here by the time I get to "3" you're going to lose a Christmas present.
MADELEINE: (stomping upstairs)
ME: Go in your bedroom.
MADELEINE: (hiding in the bathroom)
ME: Madeleine, you're going to lose a Christmas present if you don't get in your room.
MADELEINE: (staying put in the bathroom)
ME: Okay, Madeleine, you've lost a present. I'm going to donate one of the presents I bought you to Toys for Tots. If you don't want to lose another one, you'll get in your bedroom right now.
MADELEINE: (running into her bedroom, sobbing)
Five minutes later
ME: (checking on Madeleine) Honey, you need to listen when I ask you to do something. Right away. Not hide and disobey.
MADELEINE: (sobbing hysterically) Mommy, please don't do this! Please don't give a toy away! Please, Mommy, pleeeeeeease!
ME: Honey, it's too late. I told you what the consequence would be, and you decided to disobey.
MADELEINE: (clutching me) I need you to snuggle me! I need you! I never see you anymore! You're always busy! I neeeeeeed you! Snuggles!
ME: I have to cook dinner. I can't do snuggles right now.
10 minutes later
ME: Okay, Madeleine, I can give you some snuggles now if you still want them.
MADELEINE: (coming to the couch and cuddling up with me.)
ME: You know I always love you no matter what, right?
MADELEINE: Oh, Mommy. You're so emotional and EMBARRASSING.
Um. Okay. *I'm* the emotional and embarrassing one? Right.
MOST RIDICULOUS STALLING TECHNIQUE:
WINNER: Madeleine, sitting on the couch with her stuffed animals while background Christmas music played.
ME: Hey Madeleine? Can you get dressed for school? Did you pick out an outfit yet?
MADELEINE: Uh...I will, after Saoirse and Puff-Puff listen to this song.
Ah, yes, I can understand the urgency of having your stuffed seal and stuffed dog listen to the music in its entirety before you can focus on something like getting dressed.
MOST RIDICULOUS ARGUMENT EVER:
WINNERS: Julia and Madeleine
MADELEINE: Julia, at school, this boy kept dabbing in his seat. He was like (imitating the dab move) and he kept doing it!
JULIA: (scathingly) Madeleine. That's NOT how you dab.
MADELEINE: This is how I do it (imitating the dab move again)
JULIA: (scathingly) Madeleine. That is NOT dabbing. Dabbing is like THIS (performing the move herself)
MADELEINE: Well Julia? This is how I do it. And this is how that boy was doing it. It was really funny!
JULIA: No. Madeleine. That's NOT a dab.
MADELEINE: He was going like this in his seat, over and over again! (performing the move)
JULIA: Madeleine. That is NOT how you dab.
ME: Okay, Julia, whatever. Just let her tell her story.
MADELEINE: He was just doing it over and over again. It was *really* funny!
JULIA: (scathingly) I don't think that's funny, Madeleine.
Julia. SHEESH. Just LET. IT. GO. The dap doesn't bother you, anyway.
MOST INDIVIDUALIZED PROJECT EVER:
WINNER: Julia's cookbook
JULIA: Daddy, I'm making a cookbook!
ETHAN: With all the recipes you know?
JULIA: I looked them up! Then I'm writing them down in different words so that I'm not COPYING them!
Okay, I see. So, what, is she using synonyms in order to avoid plagiarizing? "Join together the parched ingredients with the moist ingredients." "Whack the saccharine and the grease together." "Bake for 10 minutes or until nut-colored." Or is she actually changing around the measurements and finding out what surprise result she gets?
I can't wait to read it.
MOST RIDICULOUS MELT-DOWN EVER:
WINNER: Madeleine's, over who the heck really knows what.
MADELEINE: Julia, will you play one game of Wii sports with me?
JULIA: No, because I'm galloping!
MADELEINE: Please, Julia? Pleeeeease?
JULIA: I'm galloping!
MADELEINE: Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeease Julia? Please please pleeeeeeeeeeeeease??
JULIA: Okay, fine.
Game begins
MADELEINE: Wow, Julia, you're really good at this!
JULIA: Thanks.
MADELEINE: (slightly panicked) Uh, Julia, can you please not win?
JULIA: Madeleine, it's not fun if you don't try to win.
MADELEINE: (more panicked) STOP it, Julia! STOP beating me!
JULIA: Madeleine-
(sound of a remote being thrown across the room)
MADELEINE: You're a BIG MEANIE, Julia! You're a BIG MEANIE SISTER!
ME: Madeleine Emilia! Turn off the Wii and get in your room. I don't like how you're talking to your sister.
MADELEINE: She's a BIG MEANIE!
ME: Turn off the Wii.
MADELEINE: (screaming) I *AM*!
ME: Go in your room and read some "Rainbow Magic Fairy" until you calm down.
MADELEINE: (choosing to hide under the desk instead)
ME: Madeleine, if you don't get up here by the time I get to "3" you're going to lose a Christmas present.
MADELEINE: (stomping upstairs)
ME: Go in your bedroom.
MADELEINE: (hiding in the bathroom)
ME: Madeleine, you're going to lose a Christmas present if you don't get in your room.
MADELEINE: (staying put in the bathroom)
ME: Okay, Madeleine, you've lost a present. I'm going to donate one of the presents I bought you to Toys for Tots. If you don't want to lose another one, you'll get in your bedroom right now.
MADELEINE: (running into her bedroom, sobbing)
Five minutes later
ME: (checking on Madeleine) Honey, you need to listen when I ask you to do something. Right away. Not hide and disobey.
MADELEINE: (sobbing hysterically) Mommy, please don't do this! Please don't give a toy away! Please, Mommy, pleeeeeeease!
ME: Honey, it's too late. I told you what the consequence would be, and you decided to disobey.
MADELEINE: (clutching me) I need you to snuggle me! I need you! I never see you anymore! You're always busy! I neeeeeeed you! Snuggles!
ME: I have to cook dinner. I can't do snuggles right now.
10 minutes later
ME: Okay, Madeleine, I can give you some snuggles now if you still want them.
MADELEINE: (coming to the couch and cuddling up with me.)
ME: You know I always love you no matter what, right?
MADELEINE: Oh, Mommy. You're so emotional and EMBARRASSING.
Um. Okay. *I'm* the emotional and embarrassing one? Right.
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