Yesterday, I enjoyed the lovely experience of puncturing my hand with a flat-top screwdriver while I attempted to open the back of my car key fob to replace the battery. The screwdriver slipped, shot straight into my hand, and next thing I knew, blood was gushing all over my fingers. I ran to the bathroom to run it under the sink and shouted downstairs to the girls, hoping one of them could get me a paper towel to compress the wound with.
ME: Girls! I need some help!
GIRLS: (silence)
ME: GIRLS! I NEED HELP!
GIRLS: (shouting from downstairs) What?
ME: I NEED HELP!
The girls started on their way upstairs when the sensation of the water pressure on my fresh and deep wound hit me. I let out a shriek of pain, which sent the girls into panic. They were falling over each other running to the bathroom screaming hysterically.
GIRLS: WHAT'S WRONG? (seeing my bloody hand) MOMMY!!!! MOMMY!!!!
ME: I just need a paper towel.
MADELEINE: (running off and returning with the whole roll, which I subsequently got bloody as I took hold of it to rip a piece off)
GIRLS: MOMMY! Are you DYING? Mommy's DYING!
ME: I just need to put pressure on my wound.
JULIA: I'm calling Daddy!
ME: No, don't call-
MADELEINE: MOMMY GET A BAND-AID!!!!!!!
ME: I have to put pressure first-
JULIA: PLEASE CAN I CALL DADDY?!?
ME: There's nothing Daddy can do from-
JULIA: PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE!
ME: I don't know what calling Daddy is going to do-
JULIA: (running into her room to get her phone) He's not ANSWERING! Can I call Auntie Shannon?
ME: No! Girls. Listen. What I really need is for you just to sit with me for a few minutes so I can make sure the bleeding stops.
JULIA: BUT WHAT IF IT DOESN'T? MOMMY YOU NEED TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL!
ME: Just let me get the bleeding to stop. Listen. Julia, if for some reason I pass out, you know to call 911 on your cell phone, right?
JULIA: (looking panicked) YOU'RE GONNA FAINT?!?
ME: I don't think I'm going to. But just so you'd know what to do.
JULIA: What if the bleeding doesn't stop?
ME: Then I'd go to the hospital.
GIRLS: (erupting into a mayhem of shrieking and sobbing)
At this point, Madeleine decided to run get me several boxes Band-Aid, and completely face-planted in the hallway, leading to Julia nearly toppling over her on her way back from texting Ethan. When I found out what she had texted, I was NOT HAPPY. And this is how I found out.
Ten minutes later:
ME: Okay, girls, you can go back to watching your show. The bleeding has slowed way down. I'm okay.
MADELEINE: But what if you DIE?!?
ME: I'm not going to. Julia, why don't you text Daddy to say ignore your missed call?
JULIA: I already texted him.
ME: What did you text?
JULIA: I said Mommy's gonna pass out and she's going to the hospital.
Julia didn't overreact AT ALL.
By the way, my hand is wounded but under control, so the panic is over. But CLEARLY the girls need to work on their crisis-management skills, OMG. When you're the one gushing blood but you wind up having to get everybody else calmed down, you know something is not working!
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