PB and Pool Play

Last night, when Ethan arrived home from work, Julia got into goofy-excited mode and decided to act completely spastic and nutty greeting her father.  Then, as Ethan sat down at the dinner table, Julia got the dim-witted idea to hide a jar of peanut butter (which, incidentally, was disgustingly sticky with the remnants of peanut butter that had dripped down its sides) behind her back and present it to her dad as a gift.

JULIA: (trotting up to Ethan as he began to eat his dinner) Daaaaddyyyy!  I have a PRESENT for yooooooou!
ME: (spying the peanut butter jar) Julia.  No.  No, no, no.  Just...WHY?  Go.  Put it away and go wash your hands.  It's all sticky.  Why would you ever think that was a good idea??
JULIA: (slinking away to wash her hands with a look of chagrin on her face) Soooorry.


There was a moment of silence around the dinner table before Ethan remarked, completely dead-pan, "Wow, Julia, I guess your gift was a real bust."

Julia didn't think it was funny.

This morning, it was Julia, rather than Madeleine, who was my bright and early bedtime companion, although she at least flipped through photo albums in my bed and let me lay beside her for 20 minutes or so before dragging myself out of bed.

After we had eaten breakfast, Julia came over to me with a troubled expression on her face.

JULIA: Mommy?  Is it almost the end of summer?
ME: No, we still have plenty of summer left.  Why?
JULIA: Well, because it's already the end of July.
ME: Yeah, but we still have all of August before school starts again.  Why are you asking?  Do you want it to be the end of summer because you're excited to back to school?
JULIA: No, I really DON'T want summer to end!
ME: Me neither.  I love summer.  What do YOU love so much about summer?
JULIA: Well, like, going to the pool, and...jumping off the diving board, and...doing swim lessons, and...diving for rings...

So, in a nutshell, we can sum up her various responses and confidently say that what Julia loves about summer is Rosemary Pool.

Given the above, it is no surprise that her latest book has to do with swimming:

"I Can't Stand Here But I Can Stand Thar"
by Julia Rowe

You can tell this is gonna be a good one just from the title.


Pg. 1:

"Thar ones livd a gril named Addy."

Wow.  Addy is one flexible gril, all right.


Pg. 2:

"Addy sade to her swim techre Vilot I can't stand here but I can stand here."

Vilot looks awfully dumb-founded to see where Addy can stand.


Pg. 3:

"When Addy got home she told her sister Abby were she cood stand."

In my opinion, Addy's parents were just asking for trouble in deciding to name their daughters Abby and Addy.  Also, I wonder why Abby is wearing a hoodie and tights when it's clearly warm enough for her sister to be standing around in a bikini.


Pg. 4:

"Then she nodist Abbys friend Rachle was ther."

I nodist that Rachle is taller than the door.  Is she a giant?


Pg. 5:

"Rachle whent out the door."

Did she have to hunch down to get out of there?



Pg. 6:

"Addy stayd in the deap end the holl time."

Do you think Addy swam around at all, or do you think she just stood there the holl time with everything submerged but her eyes and her forehead?


Pg. 7:

"Addy poot on her clods she felt very frod of herself."

Well, of COURSE she did.  I would feel frod of MYSELF if I managed to stand with my mouth and nose underwater the holl time and not run out of air.  Great job, Addy!  I'm so glad you can't stand here but you can stand thar!


And, as I have mentioned before, because going to the pool twice a day isn't nearly enough, Julia and Madeleine continue their home swim lesson adventures.  The latest addition to the game is this kickboard that Julia made for Madeleine to use as she lays down on her belly on the rug:

Madeleine sure loves using this kickbard for swiming around the living and dining rooms.  And it's a good thing that Julia made sure to write "America" on it, too.  I guess that means that during swim lessons, Madeleine can only talk REGULAR, and can't speak in LANGUAGE.