Diamond Tiara

Among Madeleine's artwork today was this:

Just a nice old bone-chilling, shudder-inducing skeleton girl with the black hollow eyes of death and a spiky instrument of torture stabbing her in the head.

Or, as Madeleine put it: "That's her HORN that's sticking up from her HEART-SHAPED bun!  She's a magic girl!  She can even do a REPLACE spell!"

As in: she can replace your soul with a life-sucking demonic spirit that can never be exorcised??


The magic girl appears in several other of Madeleine's illustrations:

She looks a little friendlier in this picture.  She definitely scares me less.  But she still scares me.

At first I thought this was a picture of a stocking.  With a loony-bin escapee popping out from inside.  I had no idea what the object on the left was.  A spiky-headed angel for the Christmas tree?

Turns out I was totally wrong about the WHOLE thing.  First of all, the angel is actually the magic girl, yet again.  As for the other girl...

MADELEINE: The little girls are SLIDING down into the mud!  And (pointing to the head of the loony-bin lady) that's her TIARA.  Her name is Diamond Tiara!

Suuuure, her name is Diamond Tiara.  And the voices in her head are just her magic little elf friends telling her that it's NOT a bad thing to suffocate her bedmate with a pillow.  Life is magical and sparkly!  She's a PRINCESS!  SHEEE'S AAAAA PRIIIIIIINCEEEEEEESSSSSSS!


Anyway, speaking of artwork, Julia had an important announcement today.

JULIA: Mommy?  I want to go to the Louvre!
ME: (in surprise) Uh, the Louvre?  The museum in France?
JULIA: Yeah!  Because Mommy!  Remember that FACE that I said I RECOGNIZED?  Well, it's at the Louvre! 

Let me back up for a minute.  Julia recently told me about a face that she knew she'd seen before but she couldn't remember where.  It all comes together for me now as I realize she has been referring to the Mona Lisa.  Apparently she and some of her friends looked through a book of famous artwork today and read about the Louvre. 

Happily, the Mona Lisa is not ALL that Julia got out of this museum book.

JULIA: And Mom?  Did you know that a LOT of painters liked to paint pictures of, like, NAKED people??  And there are even sculptures of naked people!
ME: Yup, it was pretty common for painters to have models take off their clothes so that the painters could work on studying the human body.
JULIA: And Mom?  One of the pictures had, like, this naked lady, and there was somethng near her BUM, and it looked to me like she was POOPING!

Yes.  Leave it to my kids to take something as seemingly pure as famously renowned artwork at the Louvre and find a way to make it about potty talk.

And here's some food for thought: maybe the Mona Lisa was really Madeleine's magic girl in a previous incarnation.  Hmmmmm...next time you see a painting of that famous face, dare her to do a REPLACING spell on you.

Sharry Berry May

Julia wrote a new book today, entitled:

Sharry Berry May
by Julia Rowe

You can just tell from the title that this is gonna be a good one.


Pg. 1:

"Sharry Berry May loves day."

She sure DOES love day!  Look at that no-handed cartwheel she's doing!  Only her hair is touching the ground!  She is literally leaping for joy because it's day!


Pg. 2:

"Sharry Berry May's older sister Hitie loved seeing sihgt's."

JULIA: Mommy?  First I was going to write that she loved NIGHT, but I couldn't think of any names that rhyme with "night."

So instead she went with a WORD that rhymes with "night," and the name "Hitie" (pronounced "Heidi.")  Got it.

Incidentally, I really like the speech bubble coming from Hitie, which serves to show us readers that Hitie is currently seeing a sight.  "What's that?"


Pg. 3:

"Hitie,' call'd Marry Berry May.  Where's my book bag?  I need it for third grade.'  'I don't know where it is,' said Hitie."

Woah.  WAIT A MINUTE.  Who is Marry Berry May?  Does Sharry Berry May have another sister?  And if so, what does Marry Berry May like?

ME: Julia, how come her name changed to Marry Berry May?
JULIA: (loud and defensive) THAT WAS AN ACCIDENT!


Pg. 4:

"So Marry Berry May hurried off to school.  'I thouht that I was going to miss the bus,' said Marry Berry May to her good friend Willa."

I thouht that Marry Berry May was just an accident.  I guess it's a recurring accident?


Pg. 5:

"It was a crisp October day.  There where jack-o-lanter's on people's step's."

There where?  How spooky and exciting!
(BTW, bonus points for Julia!  "People" was a spelling word that Julia missed on her last quiz, but now she's got it DOWN!  Next step: plural s versus apostrophe s.)


Pg. 6:

"At school Marry Berry May coulden't stop thinking."

What a deeply contemplative look Marry Berry May has.  Perhaps she's contemplating her impromptu identity change and wondering whether life is better as Sharry Berry May or Marry Berry May.  Or maybe she's wondering how it is physically possible for her legs to be coming out of the bottom of her desk when her skirt is somehow melded to the middle of the desk.


Pg. 7:

"Multiblucashon..."

(As Julia reads this aloud: "MUL-TI-PLI-CAAA-TION!")



Pg. 8:

"Her teacher gave her an F-"

An F minus??  But it's only OCTOBER!  Shouldn't the teacher be a little more lenient this early in the school year?  Besides, can't said teacher see that poor Marry Berry May is not the sharpest tool in the tool shed as it is?  I mean, she's not even sure of her own name.  All she knows for certain is that she loves day.



Pg. 9:

"Marry Berry May scipp't home with Willa and Hitie."

Well, for someone who just got an F minus AND a name change, Mary Berry May certainly seems like a chipper scipper.


Pg. 10:

"Marry Berry May slep't a verry good night.  Her dream was so pisful."

I hope that her dream was PEACEFUL and not pissful.  But if she didn't really mind an F minus, maybe she won't be that bent out of shape over a little pee in her bed.


Pg. 11:

"But no matter what Marry Berry May always love'd day."

Way to tie things back to the start of the story, Jules!  That is some literary skill there, honey!  Now, if only Marry Berry May could turn back to SHARRY Berry May at the end of the story, and the cycle would be complete.


ME: Julia, did you notice that you changed her name to Marry Berry May when you read your book over?
JULIA: Well, I noticed it after I finished writing it and then I looked at the cover and I was like... "oh, SHOOT."

Hooray for Sharry/Marry Berry May and her love of day!

Random Conversational Fragments

Various random things that you would have overheard had you been in the Rowe household today.

In response to a CD of African folk songs that I put on:
MADELEINE: Hey Mama!  Are they singing in LANGUAGE?
ME: Uh, yeah, well they're singing in an African language.
MADELEINE: And Mama?  Is this music in "The Lion King?"

No, honey, that would be Elton John.


At the dinner table this evening:
JULIA: (talking in her way-too-loud, over-excited voice) MOM?  THERE'S THIS COMMERCIAL ON THE TV FOR PEPPERONI PIZZA, AND IT'S A BROTHER AND SISTER, AND THE GIRL SAYS: "WHAT..." "WHAT..." I CAN'T REMEMBER!

Good thing the only part she forgot was the punch line.


On a sugar high after dessert:
MADELEINE: Julia!  Here's my BUM!  Smell it!
ETHAN: Madeleine Emilia.  MADELEINE EMILIA.  Pull your undies up RIGHT NOW.
MADELEINE: (giggling to a point of near-gagging) Maaamaaaa!  Look!
ME: No.  No.  You don't EVER moon someone.  That's not okay.


Cleaning up the living room to play a pre-bedtime game of Family Wii Bowling:
JULIA: I'm throwing away a napkin that's NOT even mine!
ETHAN: Oooh, you just think you're so cool.
JULIA: No I don't!  I don't think I'm cool at all!
ETHAN: Yeah you do.  You think you're the coolest.
JULIA: I don't think I'm cool!  I don't even know what CENTIMETERS are!

Man, Julia, could you be more LAME?  You don't know what centimeters are?  No WONDER you don't think you're cool at all.  Only the cool kids know about centimeters.  Sheesh.

Little People and My Little Ponies

The girls have played all sorts of pretend games today, and whenever I got a moment, I eavesdropped in on the pretend conversations they had going on.  Earlier in the day, Julia and Madeleine had set up all their Little People houses, and got busy playing with the various characters.  Julia was primarily playing with the Halloweens, the set of Little People that she decided live in the spooky haunted Halloween Little People house.  (In case that wasn't obvious from the fact that she gave them all the last name "Halloween.")  

Here are various snippets of their game that I overheard.  Since I was in the other room, I couldn't see which Little People they were "talking" at any given time, so I will just present their conversation to you based on which kid was talking when.

JULIA: Hello there.  Do you like anything new, or do you like anything OLD?
MADELEINE: We would like a new bike for our little DARLING.
JULIA: Sorry, but the only other bike belongs to the Halloweens.
MADELEINE: But I need something for my precious darling.
JULIA: If you want, I have an old bike you can use.
MADELEINE: That's perfect!
JULIA: But I have to warn you.  It's a tricycle.
MADELEINE: Yeah, well, she IS a little girl.
JULIA: The only bikes we have around here THESE DAYS are tricycles.

Before long, the Little People had moved on to another plot beyond the purchasing of a tricycle for their little darling. Madeleine's Little Person was visiting the Halloweens' house to invite them to her birthday party, and was a little creeped out by the haunted happenings there.  But DON'T WORRY, the tricycle theme comes back FULL CIRCLE, because Julia and Madeleine are just kinda thematic geniuses like that.

Home of the Halloween family, setting of the following pretend-play conversation:

MADELEINE: (outside the Halloweens' house) Ding dong!
JULIA: I'll get it, all get it, I'll get it!
MADELEINE: (singing) You're invited to a party with all your other friends!  And you have to come together; it's my birthday paaaaarty.
JULIA: Okay!  Oh, that's just our little baby GHOST!  She sneaks up on EVERYBODY.  One time she snuck up on me.  I was terrified for a little bit.
MADELEINE: Oh.  Where does she live?
JULIA: She lives in our little pumpkin.
MADELEINE: She looks like a sand castle.
JULIA: She does?!?
MADELEINE: Yeah.  Like, your little graveyard?
JULIA: We don't have a graveyard.
MADELEINE: Yes you do.  Down by the fence.
JULIA: Oh.  Shouldn't you just be giving out INVITATIONS?  "Like, please rvs to my birthday party, love Ally S."
MADELEINE: I don't have any.  Hey, are you having a party in there?  Because it looks like a Halloween party!
JULIA: Oh, no, it's just that everything we have is Halloween!  Would you like to come in?  I'll get you some punch!
MADELEINE: Okay.  But I have to park my bike somewhere.
JULIA: Oh.  You can just park it outside there.  Hey, wait! I  have an idea!  You two should ride your bikes together ON THE TRACKS!
MADELEINE: Yeah!  On the train tracks!
JULIA: (disdainful) No.  On THESE tracks.  Here.  Why don't you go put your birthday cake away?  I'll wait for you here. 
MADELEINE: Okay, I put my cake away!
JULIA: Okay.  I'll show you where the tracks are!

At this point, I had to help Ethan deal with the installation of our new phones, so I couldn't continue transcribing the riveting details of the Little People riding their trikes on the tracks.  However, later in the afternoon, the girls got into a My Little Pony game.  Julia was initially resistant, because she was playing with her miniature-sized ponies, and felt that Madeleine's regular sized pony was a big misfit in the land of minis.  Besides, Julia argued, Madeleine had already been playing alone with the ponies in the My Little Pony mermaid castle, so she should continue on doing so. 

The mermaid castle game had gone along like this:

MADELEINE: Hear dee, hear dee!  Everybody come on!  Because there's lots of FIRES!  But...they won't HURT the other ponies.  They would just, like, DEFEND them a little bit.

Therefore, as Madeleine argued, her pony had to get away from the fires, and needed to join Julia in the safe land of grass, rainbows, pink castles, and shrimpy ponies:

MADELEINE: I just came from Somerville.  It was really warm there because there were a LOT of fires.
JULIA: Who are YOU?
MADELEINE: I'm Fluttershy!
JULIA: It's kind of scary when a BIG pony comes to town.  So...see ya!
MADELEINE: (hesitantly) Bye...but...I just wanted to go to Pinkie Pie's party!
JULIA: I'm kind of afraid of BIG ponies.
MADELEINE: But Pinkie Pie.  I did want to ASK you something.  I'm Fluttershy.
JULIA: I like you!  Do you wanna know how we do it in THIS valley? 
MADELEINE: Yeah!
JULIA: C'mon!  I'll show you! (breaking into song) Here's a plaaaace, that's very new, jump along the riverside, find the prettiest flowers there, it's all you have to dooooo....
MADELEINE: Oh!  I love flowers.
JULIA: You do?
MADELEINE: Yeah.  And I also really love RAINBOW DASH.
JULIA: (brightly) Oh!  (returning to her singing) Love and flowers sittin' in the meadow day after day, dancin' in the beautiful suuuuun...everybody knows it, you can't eat it, or you will blow it!  Dancin' high iiiiin the sky, everyooooone knooooows, all good friends will never ever ever end, dancin' high in the skyyyyyyyyyyy!
MADELEINE: (joining in on the last note, a beat late) Skyyyyyyyyyyyyy!
JULIA: Okay, would you like to help me come deliver these to Princess Celestia?
MADELEINE: Well, I want to go to the Grand Galloping Gala!
JULIA: (irritably) Madeleine, there IS no Grand Galloping Gala in this game.
MADELEINE: But...I want to go with Princess Celestia!
JULIA: (back in her pony voice) Well, Princess Celestia doesn't like people to DISTURV her.

Madeleine didn't even get a chance to disturv Princess Celestia, because a few moments later, she had this epic announcement: "JULIA!  Uh...I need to POOP!" and went dashing off.  Now, we all know that Madeleine will be in the bathroom at LEAST 30 minutes (she is currently bellowing away made-up songs while holding her big pony as she sits on the pot.)  So at least Julia well get a little bit of time to play alone without that big pony of Madeleine's scaring and disturving her. 

So...see ya!

Artwork, Artwork

It appears that Madeleine is not the only budding artist in the family.  I was really taken with Julia's art project from school, a self-portrait in the style of Picasso:

I think it's pretty safe to say that both girls have currently exceeded my own drawing capabilities.  And I'm not exaggerating.


Madeleine, meanwhile, drew the following pictures:

This is not a picture of a body being sacrificed at a spiky altar by deformed clown-human hybrids.  It is, in fact, a simple bedtime picture.  The girl standing by the bed is Emma, and her little sister is lying in bed.  The spiky contraption to the left is the lamp on a bedside table.  Emma and sister's mom is standing by the door, ready to leave, although it looks like she'll have to seriously crouch down to fit herself - and her tall bun - out that Alice-in-Wonderland door.

Adventures with Emma and her sister continue in the next picture:

ME: Madeleine, tell me what you drew here.
MADELEINE: Uh, that's Emma again, and her sister.
ME: And who is this king up in the sky?
MADELEINE: No Mama.  That's NOT a king.  That's God and JESUS!

Jesus is pulling off some serious limber flexibility as he floats around up above there.  Maybe the laws of physics don't apply in Heaven.


Julia also started another book, and this one is the real deal, folks.  Julia takes thing to a whole new level with this story about a talking dog:

Chapter 1: Make Belevv

"Hello,' said the dog.  "Ahhhhhhhh!" screem'd the Girl."

Wow.  The Girl has some SERIOUS child-bearing hips going on there.

"Daddy Daddy Daddy thares a talking dog."

There is more than just the talking part that makes this dog unusual.  For one, he has an ENORMOUS head.  How does that head not weigh down his entire body?  Also, his nose appears to come out of the side of his head, and he only has two legs.  Is this just a make belevv dog??

"Thar's no such thing as a talking dog,' said Lila.  'IS TOO!'  'IS NOT!'  'IS TOO!'  'IS NOT!"

I completely love the fact that in the Girl's thought bubble there is a dog saying "Hello" and in Lila's thought bubble the dog is saying "Bark."

"Well I don't belivv in talking dog's!' said Lila.  'Well I do!  For your informashon,' said Dillia.  'NOW!' said Dad.  'Dillia will sho us the talking dog.'  'GLADLY!' she replid."

Ahh.  At long last, the Girl gets a name.  Contrary to how it is spelled, however, the name, according to the author, is to be pronounced "Delila." 

Also, Lila is taller than her dad.

"I STILL WONT BELLIV A WORD YOU SAY!" shoted Lila.

In case the all-caps words don't convince us enough that Lila is shoting, Julia included a picture of her big wide shoting O-mouth.

Chapter 2: Disbelif and not Lissoning.
"But the minnet evryone got outside Lila ran away back to the house.  She  did this very carfolly."

I can see that Lila is running very carfolly, given that she seems to be bending her legs, Gumby-style, and slithering her body along the grass to get inside.

"You know what?  I won't lisson and I don't belliv this ether.'  Than she remember'd the school dance.  She quicly got changed."

Okay, Lila.  What's your problem?  Sure, you say you don't belliv in a talking dog, but if you won't even stay outside long enough to witness Dellia's evidence, then how can you prove there IS no talking dog? 

And, man, just when I thought this was going to be a book about a talking dog, Julia sure threw in a big plot twist.  Now we're off to the school dance!

"When she got thar she told the boy she was dansing with about Dillia."

O.M.G.  IT'S LOVE! 

"I don't belive in talking dog's,' said Lila.  'Nore lissen to what she said too."

Lila's thought bubble perfectly sums up her Neanderthal stubborn attitude towards the whole thing.  Why lissen or stick around trying to hear the dog talk?  TALKING DOG!  NO!


Anyway, the book continues, but I won't spoil it all for you now.  If you want to continue on with the adventures of Dellia and the talking dog and Lila and the disbelif and not lissoning, just ask the author for a peek at this brand new masterpiece next time you're up our way!

Madeleine Amps Up the Creep Factor

Madeleine has OUTDONE herself with her creepy artwork today.  Among her finest drawings of the day:

My interpretation: zombie girl walking around with hypnotic stars swirling around her, while bald ghoul child attempts to suck the souls of the living to add to her soul collection (which currently exists of the one baby corpse she is carrying.)


Madeleine's explanation:

MADELEINE: That little girl fell down.  She slipped on the ice.  Those are the stars that came from her slipping on the ice. Those stars came from her HEAD when she got back up from falling down.  And that girl (pointing to bald ghoul child) was like (gasping sound) by the bugs RUINING their homes.
ME: What bugs?
MADELEINE: The Christmas bugs that are all white so you can't even see them.
ME: And what's this (pointing to the mini-sized baby in the gasping baby's arm) MADELEINE: That's the doll.  The little sister's new doll.  Named Dolly Doll Cut-Cut.  It's in the box, and she has to open it up.

Okay.  So.  Way less garish than I had assumed.

My interpretation: a Phantom of the Opera-esque villian plays the piano and makes his victim dance around like a vacant-eyed, soul-less ragdoll.

Madeleine's explanation:

MADELEINE: So, that's a girl that's SINGING, and she's singing really, really loud.  It goes (pointing to the music notes) AAAAAAAAHHHHHH!  She's also playing the piano.  (pointing to the girl to the left) That's the girl that just came downstairs and said, "Mommy, Mommy, the girls that are playing outside are really getting the hang of it!"  They're making snow angels, Mama.  Oh, and Mama?  Remember "AAAAAAAAHHHHHH!"


Again.  So much more innocent than it looks.

My interpretation: decomposing corpse-turned-ghoul stands amidst a swirling rainstorm and wreaks havoc all over the world around him.

Madeleine's interpretation:

MADELEINE: That's the river.  And that's the little girl that got STRUCK.  Her hair got flown away, but then it came back, and her TEETH got out, and her TONGUE!  Isn't that so funny?  She lost one hundred...uh...she lost a LOT of teeth.

Okay.  So this one IS almost as creepy as it looks.

Speaking of:

My interpretation: a sleeping/dead girl on the ground surrounded by floating freakish creatures.  Extra creepiness bonus points for the bubble letters/hieroglyphics in the air.

Madeleine's explanation:

MADELEINE: So the little girl got STRUCK by the lightning.  And then up top there's a (singing ominously) "dunnnn dunnnn dunnnn."  And the air and the lightning are still going on.  (pointing to the girl with a square on her head.) That's her hat, and now there's a bubble on her, because the lightning is about to STRUCK her.  (pointing to the two figures on the left) They're going away, and they're really, really sad about their little sister.

Yeah.  So.  That one was pretty much spot-on just as creepy as it looks.



And finally:

My interpretation: the land of misfit humans, some with missing body parts, gathered in a haunting array to accuse those who abandoned them.

Madeleine's explanation:

MADELEINE: Those are all the little girls that are about to go outside.  And they also have (singing) "You're gonna have a smiiiile on that frowny face..."
ME: And what are these letters on top for?
MADELEINE: Oh, those are for the TALKING that they're gonna do.  Because they're like, "Oh, what's this?  What's this?  And what's this?  Wait.  Why are we hanging up BONES?"

Well, I was about to concede that Madeleine's vision for this one was actually sweet and innocent until she got to the part about hanging up bones.  Do the bones belong to the floating head on the right??


Meanwhile, Julia couldn't fall asleep until nearly midnight last night, much to her anguish.  Because she was so exhausted, and because she recently came down with a cold, we kept her home from school today to rest up.  Now, considering the theme of today's blog, you might imagine that some creepy nightmarish imagery was the factor keeping Julia awake.  But nope.

ME: Honey, what's going on that's making you feel like you can't relax and get to sleep?
JULIA: I just CAN'T stop thinking about American Girls!

Yeah, that's a tough one.  Those American Girls, man.  Thinking about historical times is just WAY too stimulating.  I mean, Samantha having a formal lunch with Grandmary, or Felicity at her etiquette lessons, or Kirsten reciting a poem in front of her class; how can one ever fall asleep whilst thinking about such adventures??

Here's hoping to pleasant dreams and a smooth, uninterrupted sleep tonight!

Things Brought Home from School Today

Julia came home from school with this today:

Hooray, Jules!  Great job!

(According to Julia, this star student status was awarded to her by her P.E. teacher for always being a good listener, remembering to wear sneakers every P.E. day, trying her best at every activity, and always being kind.)


Madeleine came home from school with this:

ME: Oh, Madeleine, tell me what you drew here.
MADELEINE: (pointing to the all blue figure in the middle) That's Anna.  (pointing to the angry looking figure on the right) And that's Elsa.
ME: (Pointing to the head with eyes and no mouth with a ghostly shroud for a body all the way to the left.) Who is this?
MADELEINE: Oh.  That's HANS.
ME: (pointing to the blue figure in the top left) And who is this?
MADELEINE: Uh, that's a SPACE girl.

Aha.  I see.  It's like a "Frozen" meets "Star Wars" kind of drawing. Very cool!

On the back, there is more melding of "Frozen" and space worlds:

On the ground, holding claws, are Anna and Elsa.  Up in the sky is a constellation.


I'm guessing the space-themed additions to Madeleine's drawings are due to the fact that her preschool class is doing a unit on space this week.

Either that, or Madeleine has an ingenius natural understanding of outer space.

MADELEINE: Mama.  Did you know that when the moon is bright in the sky, it's not really the MOON shining light?  It's bright because the SUN is shining on the moon from the SOLAR SYSTEM!

Whew, I guess Madeleine actually does pay attention at school!

Great job, both my girls!