Wat is Snow?

I know you have ALL been waiting with bated breath for the latest Julia-authored and illustrated book.  Well, wait no longer.  She has just released her very first book of poems, and boy, do they raise some deep philosophical questions.  She sounded out the words to this book all by herself.  I'm really impressed with her Chaucerian Old-English style of spelling, I must say.

 Poem 1: "Wat is snow wat is snow?  It's farme hede to toewe."

Poem 2: "Wat is Wintre?  What is Wintre?  Wat koode it be?"
Oh boy.  Heavy question.  What koode wintre be?  Is it just a season, or is everything we experience just an illusion??
On a side note, that snowman on the left sure is giving me a wily look.  I wonder what he koode be up to.

 Poem 3: "O wen is it Christmas?  O Christmas is almost here."
 Apparently not soon enough for my kids.

Poem 4: "Is it Christmas?  Is it Christmas?  O can it be here?"
(I promise on my life that we have not been letting our child watch the SNL "Dick in a Box" skit.  Those genitals sticking out of the present are actually scissors.)

Poem 5: "O Christmas Eve.  O Christmas Eve is here."
I hate to break it to the kids who own that tree, but I don't think it's going to stand up with a trunk as uneven as that one.

Poem 6: "Christmas Christmas is Here.  Yay yay yay!"

Uh.  Do you think Julia is excited about Christmas?  I really can't tell.

Speaking of Christmas, the kids got to attend our church Christmas Communion breakfast after the liturgy today, full of good food and desserts, and made especially exciting by a visit from Santa.  Julia dutifully sat upon his lap:

While Madeleine clung to me in a death grip, refusing to even lift her head off my shoulder to glance at Santa.

ME: Madeleine, what's so scary about Santa?
MADELEINE: Uh, his BEARD.
ME: And what else is so scary?
MADELEINE: Uh, his HAT and his coat.  His BOOTS.  And, uh, that white thing.  I don't know whatever thing it's called.

So.  Basically everything.  There is NOTHING about Santa that is not scary to her.  Even the things whose names she doesn't know are scary.

ME: But what was so scary about sitting in Santa's lap?  What was gonna happen if you sat in his lap?
MADELEINE: He's even got SCARY TEETH and gonna ROAR AT ME and I was "AGGGH!  Mommy, Mommy, Mommy.  (wisely) That's even SCARIER.

Okay.  So apparently Santa is a lion.  All these years that I've associated the sound of jingling bells with Santa, I should have instead kept my ear cocked for ferocious roaring.  It's a wonder he doesn't eat his reindeer.  Maybe we should be spelling his name Santa Claws instead.

I will end this blog with a poem I composed myself, just now, on the spot:
"Wat is Santa Claws?  Wat is Santa Claws?  Wat koode he be?  He is a lion and he's gonna ROAR AT ME!"

Galloping and Running

While it is clear to anyone who reads this blog that our girls talk pretty frequently and openly about vaginas, they can still manage to say things that take me by surprise.  As in Julia's complaint, this morning, as she waited for a turn on the potty.  Something one would not generally expect to hear out of anyone's mouth: "Mama!  My vagina feels like it's DRILLING!"

The days are many lately on which I desperately wish that we had a second bathroom.  Morning rush hour with all four of us trying to brush teeth and use the toilet is getting way too chaotic.  I mean, nobody should have to go around with her vagina drilling while she's stuck waiting for a chance to pee.

Later in the morning, once all our bathroom needs were taken care of, Julia began her ritualistic gallop time.  To an fro between the living room and kitchen she went, until she suddenly stopped to make an important announcement.

JULIA: Mom?  Sometimes, when I gallop, I think about Daddy's favorite color, and I think about girls at school, and I think I like it better in a dress, but I don't want to SWITCH it.
ME: Switch what?
JULIA: Well, I think I like it better in a dress, but I don't want to switch it.
ME: Who do you like better in a dress?
JULIA: Girls at school.
ME: Which girls?
JULIA: Mama!  Made-UP girls!
ME: Oh.  So you're thinking about made-up girls wearing a dress at your school?
JULIA: Well, when I gallop, sometimes I think about REAL people at school, and sometimes I think about MADE-UP people.
ME: Okay.  But what are you saying about Daddy's favorite color and a dress?
JULIA: Well, I thought about Daddy's favorite color, and I thought about YOUR favorite color, and I decided I like purple best, and I like the girl who's wearing the purple dress a little bit BETTER.
ME: Okay.

Um.  What??

While Julia is certainly a fast and mighty galloper, she tends to be the opposite as we walk to and from school.  To top things off, Madeleine has recently gotten sick of sitting in her stroller, so the last few days, I've allowed her to walk herself, which means she actually runs gleefully, occasionally wiping out on the sidewalk.  And she will literally run all the way there and back.  I think she might wind up being a cross-country runner like her mama.  So the general scenario goes something like this: Madeleine, clumsily running on ahead of the rest of us, always on the verge of being out of control and wiping out, me walking briskly, my heart in my throat, trying to stay close enough to Madeleine to shout for her to stop as we approach intersections.  Then there's Julia, dreamily lollygagging far behind the rest of us, usually shouting out anecdotes, observations, and questions that I can barely hear.

Luckily, Madeleine has come a looooong way since her days of completely non-existent listening skills.  She is very obedient about where to stop and wait to hold hands and cross streets, so I am at long last able to actually allow her to walk by herself on the quieter, low-traffic side streets.  In fact, I rarely even need to shout for her to stop and wait, as she now understands that she must wait for me at any intersection.  Because I have used the green street signs as a marker for when to stop, she now likens them to a traffic signal.  "Mama, I STOPPED, because, see, there's the green sign!  And the green sign says STOP."

This poor kid is going to be all confused when she starts learning the rules of the road as a driver.  Green means stop!  She may wind up taking after her mother's lousy driving skills as well as cross-country abilities.

After we had dropped off Julia and were on our way home today, Madeleine paused in her sidewalk-running to remark upon two vertical grooves in the asphalt.

MADELEINE: Mama!  Look at this GIANT thing!
ME: Oh, yeah, I see!
MADELEINE: Um, I think it looks like...whatever thing it is.

What a detailed description.  I think she nailed it.  It totally looked like whatever thing it is.

My vagina feels like it's drilling.

More Christmas Stuff...

Another day, another 10,000 Christmas pictures and home-made books created by the kids.  In fact, the kids were EXTRA productive yesterday, seeing as I had gone out to the Walgreens expressly to buy new printer paper.  Due to a combination of music photocopying on the part of Ethan and I and Christmas books on the part of the kids, we had completely run out of paper, and since I needed to photocopy more music for yesterday's piano lessons, I zipped out to buy a fresh pack of blank white paper.  The kids were SO excited.  They have been surviving on small squares of blank note paper for the past week, which obviously is just not nearly as fun as a full 8X11 sheet of paper.

Madeleine was so delighted by the brand new paper that she filled up about three sheets just writing names of people she knows:

She then moved onto other words, asking me every few minutes things like, "Mom?  How do you spell COMPUTER?  Mom?  How do you spell SANTA?" 

It wasn't long, however, before the paper was being used for new holiday books.  Madeleine created the following scene of people gathered around a Christmas tree (or what she says is a Christmas tree, but looks a lot more like a Christmas cactus.  What is UP with my kids and their penis art??):

In case you're wondering, the pink stuff surrounding the tree is, according to Madeleine, water for the tree.



On the back of her picture, Madeleine drew a bedtime scene, as all the happy people on the front of the page were set to go to bed and await Santa's delivery:

These are supposedly pillows and blankets, but it's a little hard for me to tell what's what.

Julia created yet another Christmas masterpiece, entitled:

"Christmas Eve and Christmas Day."  By Julia Rowe

"O Can It be Christmas?"
I have no idea what is going on in this picture.  I can't even wager a guess.

"Hang your wreath and your stawking to."
Either the kids in this book have a ginormous stawking, or a tiny wreath, because, at least in our household, our stockings and wreaths are nowhere near the same size.

"My Christmas Tree My Christmas Tree!"
I think she's ripping off "O Christmas Tree" a little bit here...

"Christmas Cookies Now."
Yeah.  NOW! 
Maybe that demanding girl should hold off a bit, though.  With her big side belly and her giant greedy claw-hands, she looks as if she could slow down on the cookie consumption.

Ohhhhh boy!!  The suspense is KILLING me!

 "O Its Christmas Eve Today."
I'm particularly fond of this picture of the girl in her cozy pink bed.

 "Christmas Day Yay Yay Yay."
According to the author, the stuff to the right of the tree is the wrapping paper, and the object to the left of the tree is a set of monkey bars (one of the Christmas presents the girl received.)  I hope Julia isn't expecting a pair of monkey bars on Christmas morning.  She hasn't put it on her wish list yet, so hopefully she can live vicariously through this blonde-haired, pink-dressed little girl above.

Speaking of wish lists, Madeleine recently recited hers to me, which some of you may have seen on facebook.  ""Mommy, for my wish list, I want a HORSE that I can ride on that has LEGS and can gallop me around outside. And...I want a newborn baby in my tummy." (puffing out her belly) "My tummy is GINOOOOORMOUS!"

She even helped her own wish to come true, stuffing a baby doll underneath her shirt as we were heading out the door to go to the Walgreens yesterday:

(She gave birth in the car, btw.)

Julia decided to commemorate this moment by drawing a picture of Madeleine and her newborn:

Those are tiles on the ground, in case you're wondering.  I thought they were dollar bills, but Julia set me straight.  "Mom, she's in a HOSPITAL!"  Duh!

Finally, as the kids continue their phase of Christmas-on-the-brain, Madeleine decided to pull out Joanna Cole's "My Big Girl Potty" and "read" it to me yesterday.  At least, I always thought it was called "My Big Girl Potty."  Madeleine informed me otherwise.  So here she is, reading "It Was The Night Before Christmas":



I guess, during the Christmas season, even books about peeing on the potty can be made to feel festive!
 

Is It Christmas Yet?

It seems that the home-made Christmas books are going to exceed the home-made Halloween books of two months ago.  Here is Julia's latest:

Is It Christmas Yet?  By Julia Rowe

O wen O wen is it Christmas?

Presents in gulre.
(Is it me or are those scissors disturbingly phallic looking??)  

The Tree The Tree
(And speaking of phallic looking... uh... what is that sticking out of the front of the car?  And the tree lying atop the car is not much better...)

Christmas Eve

O Christmas Day Yay yay yay


Speaking of presents in galore, Julia is certainly making sure that we will have plenty under our tree.  In fact, I think she has already provided gifts in gulre for us, and it's only December 5...

Madeleine, who is on probation from touching any gifts under the tree after she prematurely opened her Merida doll -- a wrapped present from Julia lying temptingly under the tree, -- is still enjoying our presents gulre.  Pointing today at a wrapped gift for Gramps, she asked me what was written on it.

MADELEINE: Mom?  What does this present even SAY?
ME: It says "To Bill, love Ethan and Courtney."
MADELEINE: (furrowing her brow) But...I don't think we even HAVE a Bill in this LAND.
ME: Well, Bill is Gramps' name.  So that's a present for Gramps.
MADELEINE: (furrowing her brow once again) But do we even have a Bill in this town??

She gets it.

As the Christmas season continues, I will keep you all updates on any new Christmas books and home-made presents that materialize.  20 days to go!  20 more opportunities for creative projects in gulre!

Morning Wails and Carol Singing

This morning, instead of cheerfully bursting into my room, Madeleine chose to wake me up by wailing my name over and over again from her bed.  When I went in, I found her sobbing in lamentation as she lay holding her stuffed animals.

ME: Madeleine, what's the matter, honey?
MADELEINE: Julia broke my HEART!
ME: Julia broke your heart?  Why?  What happened?
MADELEINE: Because...I was saying stinky THINGS at her.
ME: Oh.  So she came in to help you and you weren't being nice?
MADELEINE: I was saying mean things at her.  I was doing stinky things at her.  Then Julia BROKE MY HEART!

Oh, the angst and passion of the 3-year-old heart...

Madeleine may have been doing stinky things to Julia early this morning, but before bed last night, she was awfully sweet, practicing for her school sing-along as we lay snuggling in her bed.  She even allowed me to videotape her singing "Deck the Halls."  Luckfully, Madeleine decks her halls with boughs of holly, unlike the bells of polly that Julia uses.



 Julia performed a Christmas carol as well, singing "Away in a Manger" for me this morning, attempting to test whether or not she still remembers all the words from her preschool sing-alongs of yore:



I'm not entirely sure why my girls, who can completely, unabashedly bellow out such songs as "What Kind of Path Do You Take?" and "Pee-pees in the Potty, A Doobie-Doo!" on camera, are so self-conscious and shy about singing these Christmas carols, but hopefully a few more practice runs at home will have them both feeling confident when it's time for the school sing-along and the church Christmas pageant...

This One's About Poop, Too.

Madeleine was up bright and early as usual this morning, trotting into my bedroom at 6:15 to once again peek out the window.  Alas, the snow has all melted, but never fear, Madeleine found something else to excitedly point out to me.  "Mommy?  Why does your window have these PIMPLES and SCRATCHES on it?  Look, Mom!  Look!  It's PIMPLES and SCRATCHES!!"

My scratched and pimply window.

And in this morning's big news, Julia was able to swim the length of the pool today - out AND back - in her swim lesson.  Such progress!  In fact, her instructor told me it's time to bump her up, out of the preschool level and into the youth level, whose classes will meet in the afternoon.  Julia wasn't sure how to take this news, however, asking me a bit cautiously, "But Mama?  Will I still get to go to kindergarten if I have swim lessons in the AFTERNOON?"

Nope.  We're hauling out of kindergarten so you can devote ALL of your time to swim lessons.  The next Michael Phelps is up and coming!

And speaking of kindergarten, Julia faced a big conundrum as we walked to school this afternoon: to hold her impending poop all afternoon at school and throughout her play-date after school, or to be brave and try pooping at school.  As we walked along, she made her case for holding it all day: "Well, Mama, the thing is, I really only feel COMFORTABLE pooping at home.  I don't like to go poop at school, because, like, it's just EMBARRASSING.  Like, if the kids see a stop sign on the bathroom door for a long time, then sometimes they KNOCK to see if anyone is in there, and I feel too shy to say that someone's in there."

All I can say to this is LIKE FATHER LIKE DAUGHTER.

Julia even admitted her nervousness to merely ask to use the bathroom when she's out of the house.  "Mama, so, one time when we are the Y, I had to go pee, but I was afraid to tell the baby-sitters I needed to go.  BUT - luckfully, my sweet little sister said she needed to go potty, so when the baby-sitter asked who else needed to go, I just RAISED MY HAND."

Julia is not the only child who felt forced to hold her poop out of fear today.  Madeleine was playing in the living room while I vacuumed the kitchen, and though she is still scared to the bapboom, she tends to manage okay so long as the bapboom is not directly in the room with her.  However, she suddenly stood up and started shouting something to me from the living room.  Turning off the vacuum to better hear her, I asked her to repeat what she had said.  "MOMMY!  Can you STOP vacuuming so I can STOP being SCARED?" she hollered to me.  I had no idea that she was in desperate need of pooping, so I told her I'd be done soon, and resumed my activity.  As soon as I finished up the kitchen and turned the vacuum off for good, Madeleine came sprinting towards the bathroom, exclaiming, "Finally, NOW I can go poop!  I have to poop SO BAD!" 

Apparently walking anywhere near the kitchen in order to get to the bathroom was just way too terrifying a task for her to attempt.  LUCKFULLY, she was able to hold her poop until the bapbooming was done.

And, of course, since Madeleine still insists on having her clothes off in order to poop, she asked me frantically, as she scrambled onto the pot, "Mom?  Can you take off my EVERYTHING?"

I look with anticipation to a future in which the logistics of pooping play a MUCH smaller part in my day-to-day life...but until then...I suppose I'll just have to deal with Julia holding it all day and Madeleine taking off her everything.

I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas

Madeleine came into my bedroom bright and early this morning to give me the important news that there was snow on the ground, which has actually been there since yesterday.

MADELEINE: (clambering into my bed) Mommy!  Look out the window!
ME: (half asleep) Hmmmmpf.
MADELEINE: Mommy!  Loooook what's out there!  I'll give you a hiiiiint: it's SNOWING!

That is the best hint EVER. 

And let me tell you, it's a good thing she encouraged me to look out the window, because it was a true winter wonderland out there:

Aside from being excited about our piddling amount of snow, the girls grow ever more fervently excited about Christmas with each passing day.  Julia wrote a new Christmas masterpiece yesterday, entitled "It Was Christmas Eve."

Madeleine, herself, even tried her hand at a Christmas book.  Holding up a piece of paper on which she had written "MAMAMAMAMAMAMAMA" along the top and "Madeleine" on the bottom, she announced, in all earnestness: "Mommy, look!  It says 'It Was Almost Christmas,' by Madeleine Emilia Rowe!" 

The girls also continue to add toys to their ever-expanding wish list (don't worry, they have already been informed that they will receive select items from their wish list, and all other items will remain on the wish list for future birthdays and Christmases.)  The general principle they follow is this: if there is a commercial for ANY toy or kids product of any sort, they both shout out, "Mommy, this is on my wish list!"  It doesn't matter how dopey the toy appears to be.  The girls see the commercial and they are SOLD.  Except for one outlier, whose commercial I did not actually see, but which prompted Madeleine to run from the tv to find me and announce, "Mommy?  That DANGEROUS wish list toy is NOT on our wish listes!"

Okay, phew.  What a relief.  No dangerous toys on the wish list.  Only completely inane, unnecessary waste-of-money toys.

Madeleine did not only create her own Christmas book cover page yesterday, but she also made a hand-crafted gift for her friend Anja, whose birthday party is this afternoon.  As Madeleine described her drawing, "It's a whole family of us.  That's me, that's Julia, that's Daddy, that's Mommy, that's Anja, and that's her ICE CREAM with a cherry on top!":

Madeleine even made sure to sign her name on the back, finally writing small enough to fit it all in one line with one try:

Birthday parties, Christmas, so much excitement.  The girls are definitely on the countdown.  Or, to put it in Madeleine's words: "Mom?  When is it Desmember?  WOAH!  That's even a TRICKY WORD!"

Happy Desmember, all!